Here on Nerdopotamus, I (Mr. X) have been the guy who covers the current WWE product. I used to do live accounts of Monday Night Raw. Then it became, “The Best Moment of Raw.” Then, with the brand split and everything else, it became “A Dope Moment From (Insert Raw or SmackDown).”
I couldn’t do that with SummerSlam, given that it clocked in at about nine hundred hours. Seriously, every time I thought about the time and which match was next, I realized there were multiple matches I hadn’t thought of. What a card for this event!
Starting with the kickoff show:
American Alpha (Jason Jordan and Chad Gable), The Hype Bros (Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley), and The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) vs. Breezango (Tyler Breeze and Fandango), The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor), and The Vaudevillains (Aiden English and Simon Gotch)
Only watch if you’re a big fan of any of the teams involved. Otherwise, you can skip.
MIXED (WATCH IF YOU DIG ANY OF THE TEAMS)
Sami Zayn and Neville vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley)
Same as previous tag match. If you love Sami, Neville, or The Dudleyz, then you should give it a watch. You’re not missing much if you skip it, though. It was a pretty standard tag match. In fact, you know what…
SKIP (IF YOU LOVE ZAYN OR NEVILLE, GO WATCH THEIR NXT WORK)
Sheamus vs. Cesaro
These two have wrestled about nine thousand times in their career, so I’m pretty dead to this whole rivalry. I like the idea of the best of seven series, which this was the first one for. The winner gets a title match, which is also cool.
The match itself wasn’t much different than any of their previous bouts. They went into the ring and hit each other hard.
SKIP (UNLESS YOU LOVE SHEAMUS OR CESARO)
Jeri-KO (Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens) vs. Enzo Amore and Big Cass
This was a fun way to start off the show and not much more. You can skip and not miss much, but if you watch, you’ll be entertained.
MIXED (MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND)
Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks (c) for the WWE Women’s Championship
Watch it. Both women were on their game. It’s probably the second best match of the night.
The Miz (c) (with Maryse) vs. Apollo Crews for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
This match was fine. Apollo held his own well, and The Miz is…well, The Miz. He does what he does, and he does it well.
TOUGH ONE: SKIP, I GUESS. YOU REALLY WON’T MISS MUCH
AJ Styles vs. John Cena
WATCH! WATCH! A MILLION TIMES! WATCH IT!
No doubt, this was the best match of the night. Styles and Cena stole the show. Other matches were solid, but SummerSlam 2016 belonged to The Phenomenal One and The Doctor of Thuganomics.
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs. The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (c) (with Jon Stewart) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
This match was okay. Honestly, you can probably skip it. Spoiler alert: it ends in DQ after Big E hits the ring and rocks Anderson and Gallows. That means The Club gets the win and another match for the titles, but still…
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler for the WWE World Championship
This was okay. If you’re expecting a show stealer, definitely temper your expectations. Then, with those lessened hopes, you’ll be free to enjoy a pretty good match. Something about Ziggler and Ambrose didn’t click as well as I thought, but it wasn’t bad by any means…
MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND
Nikki Bella, Natalya and Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch, Naomi and Carmella
This is another basic tag match. The only reason to watch, as crazy as this sounds, is to see Nikki Bella’s return. The audience lost their shit. They did the whole Eva Marie entrance, gave her an excuse that wasn’t suspension, and then the announcer got on the mic and proclaimed that Nikki was her replacement. She got a huge, surprisingly loud reaction.
WATCH (BUT YOU CAN SKIP AFTER ENTRANCES)
Finn Bálor vs. Seth Rollins to determine the inaugural WWE Universal Champion
This match was fly as hell. I’m not going to spoil the end result for anyone who may be reading this before watching the show. All I’ll say is that there’s talk Finn may have been injured during the bout. BUMMER! What a terrible time.
Worst part is it was probably the bucklebomb that did it, the same move that took out Sting. It seems Seth Rollins (the character) is on a mission to clip anyone and everyone with face paint. Colby Lopez (Seth’s real name) is probably pretty bummed he hurt someone, though. Dude seems like a sweetheart in real life.
Rusev (c) (with Lana) vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE United States Championship
Rusev attacks Reigns before the match, in an effort to get the upper hand. It quickly backfires. Roman turns the tables and beats Rusev until he is no longer cleared to compete in the actual match, which ends in a no-contest.
Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs. Randy Orton
This one was weird. A lot of buildup, only for Brock to keep on being Brock. If you haven’t watched the show yet, I definitely wouldn’t skip this one. If you’re re watching it, however, skip away. The Beast vs. The Viper is about as anti-climactic as the time another viper got rocked by a mountain (Game of Thrones reference).
MIXED (MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND)
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: Courtesy of WWE.com.