Monday Nerdo War – RAW – 12/18/95

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The final RAW of 1995 is finally upon us and that means we’re a week closer to the Attitude Era, and the collapse of WCW. This episode opens up with a quick recap video of the goings on at the December In Your House event. Thankfully, they touch on all of it as the night progresses.

Tonight we have this match as the main event:

The "Bad Guy" defends his Intercontinental championship against Yokozuna
The “Bad Guy” defends his Intercontinental championship against Yokozuna

At In Your House, Jeff Jarrett made his return to WWF attacking Ahmed Johnson from behind. Tonight, the country singer is up against Fatu.

JOEY: A big ol’, “who gives a shit?” Jeff Jarrett sucks. Fatu getting Tim White to dance is infinitely more entertaining than Double J has ever been.

Fatu opens the match with a side kick attempt, but Jarrett ducks underneath it and goes into his trademark strut. He’s not strutting for long, as Fatu knocks him down and follows it up with a headbutt to the groin. Fatu whips Double J into the ropes and lowers his head for a back body drop.

Jarrett is able to counter it into a DDT. Unfortunate for Jeff, it was seemingly for naught as Fatu is right back up. Fatu sends Jarrett into the corner and attempts a shoulder tackle; Jarrett side steps and Fatu crashes shoulder first into the post. Jeff hits a neckbreaker to maintain momentum.

Jarrett looking like a pool liner.
Jarrett looking like a pool liner.

Coming back from a commercial break, Jarrett is still firmly in control. Jeff connects with a succession of axe handle smashes from the middle rope. Jarrett follows up by hard whipping Fatu into the turnbuckles twice. Jeff goes for a third axel handle from there, but Fatu counters with a sledge to the midsection. Jarrett is on the wrong end of a power slam.

This time, the man who would be Rikishi is able to successfully connect with the back body drop. Fatu drives the small of Jarrett’s back hard into his knee with a big time back breaker. Fatu then sends Jarrett into the corner and hits him with an ace crusher.

Fortunately for Jarrett, Fatu lands on his injured shoulder and isn’t able to capitalize. Jarrett then rams him shoulder first into the corner post. He attempts the Figure Four, but gets jumped by Ahmed Johnson before he can lock it in. Double J high tails it out of there before he can take too much damage and more importantly, before he can himself announced as the winner via DQ.

JOEY: Not the worst match. Jarrett can still suck one.

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DOK HENDRIX is interviewing that witless President Monsoon.

JOEY: Excuse me, folks. Team WWE needs a second for a little in-fighting. Yo Markus, you bite your tongue. Gorilla Monsoon >>>>>> that jabroni Michael Hayes.

Monsoon declares that Jarrett, who last night threw his hat into the ring for the Royal Rumble, would actually not be participating in the titular match. Instead he’ll be in singles action against Ahmed Johnson.

He also announced the WWF Championship match taking place at the ’96 Rumble.

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JOEY: I bet that match is hot fire. Although, I am a pretty huge fan of Taker vs. Bret at SummerSlam ’97.

All I can say about this, is I remember this promo clearly from when I was a child. Scared the fuck out of me then…strangely excites me now.

JOEY: Man, it’s absolutely insane that this character is still on television. There’s a theory out there that Dustin Runnels was turned into Goldust as Vince’s way to get back at Dusty. Personally, I don’t think that’s the case, but even if it was, talk about your all-time backfires.

Next, we get to see the confrontation between The Undertaker and Diesel from In Your House:

Our next match is Buddy Landell vs. Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly.

JOEY: Oh cool, you can just snag flair’s theme. But your robe game ain’t as a tight. Jabroni.

GOD! Look at that beautiful mane of mullet godliness.
GOD! Look at that beautiful mane of mullet godliness.

Holly hits a deep arm drag out if the lock up. Landell doesn’t stay down for long, and starts slugging away at Holly in the corner. Landell whips Holly into the corner and charges in after, Holly gets his boots up right in Landell’s mush.

JOEY: Lawler definitely got Landell his job. You can hear it on the commentary. The King is definitely the only person in that arena who’s hyped to be watching the low-rent Nature Boy.

Buddy Landell looking like a broke ass Ric Flair.
Buddy Landell looking like a broke ass Ric Flair.

These two guys spend a majority of the match slugging the shit out of each other. As the two men take turns trying to see who can’t hit harder, Landell trips up Holly with a drop toe hold. He immediately locks him in a modified STF. Holly finds himself on the business end of a camel clutch.

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Holly starts battling back and lands a DDT. Landell stirs first and is up to his feet before Holly! Landell goes back to swinging fists directly at Holly. Each time Holly gets knocked down, he gets right back up. Holly starts mounting a comeback, even hitting the crowd favorite ten punches in the corner.

Holly hits a stand up hurricanrana! A pair of clotheslines draw a two count for the former race car driver. Holly attempts the hurricanrana one more time, but it’s once too many, as Landell held onto the ropes to block the attack. Landell then nails his patented corkscrew elbow and picks up a victory.

JOEY: That’s how he got the three? Yo Spacecore, get the hell up, and plant that weak-ass imitation Flair.

Brother Love is in the ring interviewing The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase. They are discussing the events that unfolded at In Your House, when Santa Claus attacked Savio Vega. Hope you’re all HYPED! Cause Santa’s evil brother from the South Pole, Xanta Klaus, is coming!!

JOEY: Somebody should show this clip to Jim Cornette, and tell him to shut the fuck up.

It’s now time for the main event: Razor Ramon defends the Intercontinental Championship against Yokozuna.

Before getting to the competitors, a special guest joins at ringside:

To further mess with Razor, Goldust replaced Razor’s pyro with gold confetti.

JOEY: I don’t know why, but I’m hyped AF on that. It’s such a simple, but effective mind game.

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While distracted by the golden confetti, Ramon gets jumped by Yoko. It doesn’t take long for Razor to comeback and land a discus punch that sends Yokozuna to the floor outside. Razor chases Yoko outside and when Yoko goes back in the ring, he’s able to get the advantage on Razor. Yoko hits a big scoop slam, but misses the follow up elbow drop. Ramon targets Yoko shoulder with some well placed shoulder thrusts.

JOEY: Hyped we got another actually good wrestling match here. I believe that makes four, maybe five, since we started. That’s not a crushing realization at all. It hasn’t been over ten weeks or anything.

Razor attempts a sunset flip, that just clearly won’t happen and luckily for him gets out of dodge before Yoko could squash him. Yokozuna hits a snapmare and locks Razor in what appears to be the Vulcan Neck Pinch:

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Razor fights out of it eventually but gets a clothesline for his trouble. Razor connects with a series of haymakers that eventually topple the big man over. Razor goes for a cover but only gets a two count because Yoko grabbed onto the bottom rope.

Coming out of a commercial break, Razor is locked again in the neck pinch. Razor gets up to a standing base, and starts a series of punches and kicks to Yoko’s gut. Yokozuna starts to connect with his own shots now. Razor hits a big jumping clothesline. The Bad Guy climbs to the middle rope and hits a flying bulldog.

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All of a sudden, the lights start to flicker and nobody can figure out why. It doesn’t take long to discover the source of the occurrence:

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JOEY: I will never not be hyped on that mask. It worked so well on Undertaker. Added so much to his mystique.

The Undertaker is seeking revenge on Yokozuna! Yokozuna high tails it out of there before he can cross paths with the Deadman.

It took us the entire hour, but the best sign of the night is finally revealed.

A less tolerant time 1995 was.
A less tolerant time 1995 was.

Dok is out to interview Razor about Goldust. And I’ll let the Bad Guy speak for himself.

Ok. Maybe you weren’t hyped for Xanta Klaus, but you better be fucking HYPED on what you’re about to see. Are you a fan of HBK? Are you also a fan of ridiculously saccharine music videos? Oh, you are?

Well, then press play, and get your Sarah McLachlan on with The Showstopper:

JOEY: I want to say that little Joey was probably hyped on this, but I’d be full of shit. Little Joey was DEFINITELY hyped on this. And by hyped, I mean crying like a little bitch over the idea that HBK might retire. Current day Joey’s cool. I’m totally cool.


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Jerry Mascolo
JerryMascolo@Gmail.com