Monday Nerdo War – RAW – 12/11/95

Welcome to the penultimate RAW of 1995! WWF surely bringing us another banger, right before the In Your House event.

JOEY: This article is a day late, and that’s entirely on me. Jerry had his portion all ready, but I didn’t have the time to watch RAW until today. It won’t happen again.

The first match of the evening is quiet the interesting one as the “King of Harts” Owen Hart squares up against a very young and very sober Jeff Hardy. It’s amazing going back to these old RAWs and seeing where guys got their start.

JOEY: It’s crazy how long Jeff Hardy has been wrestling. He worked for WWE for over another decade from here, and he’s still going. He’s injured now, but he’ll be back.

Who has two thumbs and somehow couldn't outlive Jeff Hardy - THIS GUY!
Who has two thumbs and somehow couldn’t outlive Jeff Hardy – THIS GUY!

The match starts off with both men showing their skill and agility, setting a faster pace than usually seen on RAW. Hardy is able to swing momentum in his favor with a hip toss. Hardy’s full head of steam doesn’t last long, as Owen is able turn things around, and slow the pace down with a well-placed knee to the gut.

Thanks to the gut shot, the match is all Owen from here on out. Following a backbreaker and suplex; Owen turns Hardy inside out with a stiff ass clothesline.

Hart takes to the sky with a missile drop kick. Owen grabs Hardy’s legs and teases the Sharpshooter, but instead pins Hardy with a jackknife cover that gets him the three count.

JOEY: Why waste the Sharpshooter on a no-name jabroni, am I right?

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After the match, Yokozuna comes out and pancakes Jeffrey with a Banzai Drop.

Hart locks in the Sharpshooter. Diesel hits the ring and starts slugging away at Yoko. Big Daddy Cool is then able to floor the Yoko with a big boot. The bad guys get sent packing thanks to Diesel.

Next up is a straight up CERTIFIED BANGER. Chaparita Asari battles Aja Kong.

monday night raw

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The match starts off with Kong trying to bum rush Chaparita. Instead she finds herself on the receiving end of a pair of handspring mule kicks.

Asari goes for a crossbody block on the bigger Kong. Of course, this would be to no avail as Asari basically crossbody blocked the wall.

Aja takes control with a snapmare and some vicious kicks to Chaparita’s back. Asari gets her blood rushed to her head as Kong holds her up in a huge stalling suplex. Aja then shows that she’s been down since way before Day One, by dropping Chaparita with a beautiful Package Piledriver.

JOEY: Picture perfect.

While this should have definitely ended the match, Aja lifts Asari’s shoulders off the mat to continue the beating.

Another snapmare and another series of stiff kicks to the back and chest of, what is at this point, I’m sure a lifeless Asari. Kong hits a big splash that only gets her a two count. Asari starts to mount a comeback that is nothing short of a miracle, mostly because I’m still pretty sure she’s dead. Asari climbs the top rope and goes for a corkscrew senton that Aja was able to roll out of the way of.

Aja finishes off the dearly departed with a nasty Uraken spinnging back fist.

JOEY: Why don’t I have any memory of these women? That match was hot fire.

Shawn Michaels is forced into a interview with Todd Pattingale. God, he’s a jabroni.

JOEY: Such a jabroni, Jerry didn’t even bother to get his name right.

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The basic gist of the interview is that Shawn Michaels feels fine, but the doctors and WWF Officials don’t want him to come back just yet. Michaels is determined to wrestle again because he has goals left to attain. Pattingale, the Jason Brone that he is, mistakenly brings up retirement.

Shawn replies that wrestling isn’t his job, it’s his life. He also says, “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

JOEY: To his credit, HBK’s performance during this interview was pretty solid. Surprisingly convincing. I bet 6 year-old Joey was pissed AF that, that jabroni would dare to bring up retirement to Shawn Michaels.

HBK been raiding Luger's closet for his last century shirts.
HBK been raiding Luger’s closet for his last century shirts.

This whole thing reminds me of someone…

His eyes say no, but his body screams YES! (Courtesy of WWE.com)
The face of a man who wants to get back into the ring. The body says yes, but the eyes scream no. (Courtesy of WWE.com)

The next match is Ahmed Johnson versus Rex Stockhauser. Anybody care to take a guess what the outcome here is?

After the “blink and you’ll miss it” match, Ahmed gets interviewed by Jerry ‘The King” Lawler. Ahmed says (i think) that Dean Douglas has no idea what he’s in for at In Your House.

JOEY: Just an awful promo. Ahmed is on a roll, delivering terrible promo after terrible promo. I’ve understood maybe 7 words he said since he’s started appearing on these old episodes of RAW.

Quick shout out to this fan:

Basically this is my spirit animal. HI MOM! While I’m taking a sidebar here, shout out to this video:

The WWF doesn’t fuck around with their holiday wishes.

JOEY: Right before the last match, The Million Dollar Corporation came out to say that they are unified, and will completely destroy Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty at In Your House. Cool. No way that match will suck.

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The main event is next! You’ll love it, if you’re a fan of two incredible mat technicians plying their craft. WWF Champion Bret “Hitman” Hart is going one on one with Presidential Campaigner Bob Backlund. The match opens up with both wrestlers showing off their mat wrestling prowess. Coming out of a commercial, Hart goes for a backslide pin and gets a two count. After a quick breather on the outside, Mr. Backlund is ready to continue the fight.

JOEY: At some point during this, Vince McMahon called Bob Backlund, “the lunatic fringe.” Now I want Dean Ambrose to start slapping the Crossface Chickenwing on everyone.

Hart begins to work over Backlund’s arm to neutralize the effect of the Crossface Chickenwing. Unfortunately for Hitman, he wasn’t able to do a good enough job, because he finds himself locked in Mr. Backlund’s signature submission. The Excellence of Execution is able to make it over to the ropes and break the hold. Now, it’s Backlund that begins to work over Hart’s left arm. A stiff forearm from the former champion drops the current champ like a bad habit.

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Backlund continues his assault on Hart’s arm. Bret is able to attempt a small package for a two count. Coming back from yet another commercial break, Hart has regained control of the match. The fans get treated to three of his Five Moves of Doom: Russian Legsweep, Middle rope elbow drop, Sharpshooter.

Before Hart can lock it in, Davey Boy Smith runs out and begins to attack his brother-in-law and opponent at In Your House. The referee calls for the disqualification. Backlund locks in the Crossface Chickenwing as Bulldog attacks the Champion.

Please, won't somebody think of the children
Won’t somebody please think of the children?

That’s how it went off the air. We’ll see you guys next week for the last Monday Night Raw of 1995.


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Jerry Mascolo
JerryMascolo@Gmail.com