Last night, at 8PM, I went and saw, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” along with my brother, Kevin, and my Team WWE teammate, Jerry Mascolo. I have never been the biggest fan of the franchise. I’ve always liked it, but it wasn’t the end all, be all. After seeing the new flick, however, my hyped levels are through the roof. It was exhilarating. I was on the edge of my seat, from beginning to end.
Then it happened. The potential spoiler that I stumbled across on Facebook actually came true. I was furious. For me to properly express myself on this matter, I need to discuss some spoilers. I’ll give it enough room, so you can’t possibly see something you don’t want to know.
That should do it.
Now, let’s really get into this. I was on Facebook on my phone, and I started reading a meme that my eyes were drawn to (it had Twizzlers on it – I fucking love Twizzlers). It was all about this guy getting ready to go to the movies, and then the last sentence read, “Kylo Ren is Han Solo’s son. Ren kills Solo.”
I couldn’t believe it. The worst part is that I’m not even really friends with the dick who shared the meme. I’m friends with his cousin. As soon as I had the chance, I texted my buddy, and told him his cousin can chug each and every available dong that he could get his stupid fucking hands on. There was no reason for that. It’s a purely malevolent act. The only thing that can possibly be gained from doing that is a momentary feeling of satisfaction.
Even then, what are you satisfied about? Cool, you went out of your way to negatively impact someone’s life. It’s not funny. It simply reveals what a shitty, useless human being you are.
While we’re at it, Jerry Mascolo also had the movie spoiled for him. His experience is actually much worse. Our friend’s brother, one of the worst human beings I’ve ever come across, purposely went onto Jerry’s Facebook, and spoiled it for him. What a sack of garbage.
“Harrison Ford dies.”
That’s it. That’s all he wrote. You should have seen Jerry when he read it. He was trembling with rage. I’m genuinely not exaggerating, either. He went out of his way to avoid TV spots, trailers, and spoilers of any kind. Then that little shit went and ruined it all with the stroke of a few keys. All that did was confirm what I’ve always felt about that turd monger: he’s an ugly person – inside and out.
My spoilerific night didn’t end there, either. When I arrived home, I checked on the Nerdopotamus Facebook page, and found a spoiler in the comments for the article entitled, “Would You Wrestle Brock Lesnar for $37,000?”
The comment read, “Han took the money, and look what happened to him.” Then below it, there was a picture of the moment that Kylo stabbed Han. I was even angrier than before. Some asshole tried to use this platform to further his shitty ways. Fuck that. His comment was promptly deleted, and he was banned.
If that spoiled the movie for anyone, I genuinely apologize.
In closing: ruining things for other people is not funny. There’s no reason, and you gain absolutely nothing. Go about your day. Let fans of Star Wars, be fans of Star Wars. Why does it matter to you?
I found this quote online, and it’s pretty damn appropriate.
“Sometimes great power brings out the worst in us, and unfortunately, it isn’t until people are given it that we see the true shades of their character.” ― Barbara Kloss, Gaia’s Secret
That is exactly what happened. Star Wars holds great power in a lot of lives, and some of the shittier members of our species thought they could get a laugh from ruining a day that people have been waiting for since 2005. To all of those people, I have but three more words to say, and they come straight from the heart.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: © 2015 – Lucasfilm