Monday Nerdo War – WCW Monday Nitro – 10/16/95

Welcome, everyone! It’s Week 7 of the Monday Nerdo Wars! Team WCW takes a trip back to October 16th, 1995. Fredo and Carlos of The Tiger Driver ’91 Podcast look forward to way more Disco Inferno and way less Lex Luger. Let’s get the episode started.

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Project this up on your business if you’re selling shit in a nicely wrapped box with a bow.

Carlos: I see they’ve replaced Vader with Luger in the intro. Dark times.

Fredo: This is definitely the darkest timeline.

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“Get that fat chorizo outta my face u bitch.”

Carlos: Pepe McMichael right off the tip this week. Looks like he’s waiting for Mongo to try and pet him so he can bite the dumb finger clean off.

Fredo: Looks like a chorizo  if it were made out of retard.

Carlos: Mongo just said that Pepe flew down all the way from “Dogtron” to see some out of this world wrestling. I just…man.

Fredo: That’s the most entertaining thing that’s ever come out of his mouth that wasn’t the word “Pepe.”

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#squad

Carlos: Brain just called Pepe a little tarantula. Slow the fuck down, Weasel. SLOW IT. THE FUCK. DOWN.

Fredo: I agree with Brain on most topics, but I will fight him over this. Straight up.

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Flair looking like he caught Sting stealing from his yacht.

Carlos: Bischoff hypes up tonights card: WILL STING TEAM UP WITH FLAIR AGAINST PILLMAN AND ANDERSON? Mistakes will be made.

Fredo: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice or more, I’m fucking STING.

Carlos: Dude, I don’t remember WCW Pro.

Fredo: It took me a moment to recall, but I believe that was their Saturday morning recap-type show. Kinda like WWF Mania and later WWF Livewire. I think they’d have one previously recorded match or segment that they would air as new. It’s weird because they also had WCW Main Event, but they might have had more “live” matches.

Match 1: Diamond Dallas Paige (TV Champion) vs Johnny B. Badd

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Kimberly Page looking like she wants to show her tits again.
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DDP looking like he wants to see said tits.

Carlos: Kimberly Paige. Yes.

 

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Wild Cat Willie letting DDP know what he thinks of his bitch ass.
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DDP reminding Willie that he’s just a pussy with a sign.
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“i’m a perfect 10 u fgt”
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All hail DDP, Slayer of Pussy.

Carlos: HAHAHAHAHAHA. FUCK. DDP slayin’ pussy left and right.

Fredo: That’ll teach Willie to mind his fucking business.

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Psyched he still has a job.

Carlos: As much as I don’t give a shit about Johnny B. Badd, I’m kinda hyped on this match. I feel like DDP had solid matches with everyone.

Fredo: For whatever reason, I was always hyped on Johnny when I was a kid. I must have a weird obsession with gay Little Richard.

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Hate crime.
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Nick Patrick looking like he smelled a nasty fart.

Carlos: DDP rails Badd with the title before the bell even rings! Nick Patrick is disgusted.  Why DDP gotta go and get himself DQed?

Fredo: No one makes DDP look like a fool on WCW Saturday Night. That’s why. It’s the fucking muddaship.

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Disgusted but definitely still gonna suck DDP’s dick off later.

Carlos: Kimberly is so upset. She looks like she kinda has the downs in the pic, but she could still catch it. Like, without question I’m still good to go.

Fredo: No one here is above mating with a retard.

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Nick Patrick mesmerized by the confetti. His reactions intrigue me.

Carlos: Yes. DDP counts the 3 himself and then fires off the confetti cannon. This is my new favorite match of all time.

Carlos: Alright, so Bischoff said there’s a huge match after the commercial break. What you got that can top this fuego?

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BANGER.

Fredo: Yes, I suppose this will do nicely.

Carlos: ;_;

Match 2: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero

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Looking MexAF.

Carlos: Ten years since Eddie Guerrero passed. Still get hyped when I see him.

Fredo: Same. Been hearing so many Eddie stories lately that I miss him more.

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Benoit getting the ethnic kids hyped.

Carlos: Eight years since Benoit died. Still can’t believe Kevin Sullivan got away with it.

Fredo: I know it was him. I know it.

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OH SHIT IT’S DANIEL BEN — nah, just some other kid with downs

Carlos: Those ladies are hyped on Benoit. Run, bitch, run.

Fredo: Looks like they cloned Daniel from that kid.

Carlos: That little kid in front of them got The Shining.

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Working the headlock. Tight.

Carlos: Right off the tip these guys are going in hard. The lock-up and headlocks are intense.

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“Love me forever, Eddie.” – Chris
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“JK you whore.” – Chris

Carlos: Already, the crazy reverses begin. Benoit takes Eddie over with a headscissor.

Fredo: Even by today’s standards, this is platinum quality shit.

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Advanced cunnilingus
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Stuff

Carlos: Eddie comes back with a beautiful headscissor of his own! That height was ridiculous.

Fredo: I’m forever hyped on how easy these two make everything look.

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When you a demon cuz you killed your family but your boy is heavenlyAF.

Carlos: FUCK. Eddie flies off the top to the floor and crashes into Benoit! These two never gave a fuck.

Fredo: The fucking air Eddie got on that. He was like an eagle.

Carlos: Wait.

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DAN-
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GER-
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OUS!!

Carlos: OH MY GOD. They came back inside just so Benoit can suplex Guerrero over the top rope to the floor. Eddie almost took Benoit’s head with him in the process.

Fredo: Damn, these two are going so fucking hard.

Carlos: Guerrero seems to be favoring that arm. The Canadian Crippler smells that blood in the water.

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When ya boy is scared of the ride, but you hold his hand no homo.
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When ya let him go because you gotta man up sometime.

Carlos: Dude. He just back suplexed Guerrero on his arm. There’s no way that doesn’t suck.

Fredo: It’s like bodyslamming someone on their arm, but you know… really trying to snap it.

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It all makes sense now.

Carlos: GUERRERO JUST DROPPED BENOIT ON HIS FUCKING HEAD.

Fredo: Damn, he straight up spiked Benoit.

Carlos: This match has been a back and forth exchange of pain between two friends. Just how I like it.

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Carlos: Mmmm, yes. I was waiting for Benoit and Guerrero to go in with those chops. It sounds like shotgun blasts. I’m fully torqued.

Fredo: Benoit looks like he could chop a tree down with the intensity of his chops.

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Carlos: Beautiful. Benoit gets dumped on his head again with another beautiful move by Guerrero.

Fredo: Just another day in the office for Benoit. An office filled with concussions.

Carlos: Why couldn’t both of them be alive right now? Why did Kevin Sullivan have to commit such awful crimes? I’m gonna put Guerrero on him, too. Fuck you, Taskmaster. I wish Evad Sullivan took you out when he had the chance.

Fredo: The worst part is he got away with him. People think we’re joking when we blame Sullivan for the murders. Nah, that motherfucker did it. He definitely killed Guerrero first because he knew it would break Benoit.

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“You sure? I feel like this could really affect you later in life.”
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“do it u bitch”

Carlos: YO. EDDIE DROPPING BENOIT ON HIS HEAD LIKE IT’S HIS FUCKING JOB. LIKE HE’S SELLING BAGS OF ORANGES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Fredo: Benoit just did not give a fuck about his own well-being. That’s that shit I do like.

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Feeling froggy.

Carlos: Eddie looking to put Benoit away!

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Benoit thinks we need a few more minutes of head drops. I’m game.

Fredo: Benoit throws up the knees so we can continue with the pain.

Carlos: “Nah.” – Benoit

Carlos: Benoit about to eat dat ass like groceries.

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Advanced analingus.
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HOLY
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SHIT

Carlos: 20 YEARS LATER THAT IS STILL THE MOST VICIOUS POWERBOMB I’VE EVER SEEN.

Fredo: God damn. Not to sound cliche, but he literally broke Eddie in half.

Carlos: Eddie kicks out! What the hell does Benoit need to do to put him away?

Fredo: Gonna have to pull out the ultimate weapon from his bag of tricks: murder.

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Dragon Suplex for the win.
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Eddie like “nope.”

Carlos: Benoit pics up the win by dumping Guerrero on his head again. This match will stand the test of time. God damn. I started watching this match fully dressed. I’m down to my socks I got so hyped.

Fredo: I’m sweatyAf THIS WAS BETTER THAN COPS!!!

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I bet if I call this now, I’m gonna hear gay dudes fucking.

Carlos: Mean Gene is out there when we get back from commercial. He’s pimping out the WCW Hotline and WWF dirt he’s got for $1.49 a minute. You know, I got in deep shit for calling the WCW Hotline when I was a little kid? My grandma got fucking heated. All Gene said was “Jerry and Joey of Team WWF suck each other in the back of a pick up truck.” Just telling me what I already know, Mean Gene.

Fredo: Yo, I hear if you call this now, you can hear Jerry and Joey chugging each other in the back of a broom closet.

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Taskmaster looking like he approaching the tightest buffet ever.
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Giant checking himself for lumps. Trying to stay cancer freeAF.

Carlos: Imma need Halloween Havoc to come and go. I can’t handle being reminded of the monster truck match between The Giant and Hogan for another week.

Fredo: They’ve been hyping the fuck out of this “match” for weeks on Nitro. It was so fucking bad. I probably thought it ws a cool idea when I was a kid. I was a stupid fucking kid.

Carlos: Sullivan just keeps talking about Hogan turning evil to face the devil in him and The Giant. Somehow, this is slightly cooler than when Kane and Wyatt tried getting Cena to break bad.

Fredo: Sullivan is the original evil motherfucker. Dude is foreshadowing the nWo and we don’t even know it.

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I would have been more stoked if this meant two dudes sword fighting with vibrators.
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That ghost in the back is still looking mighty hyped. Joke’s on him.

Carlos: That ghost between the trucks is still the only one hyped on any of this.

Fredo: He’ll find out the true meaning of disappointment soon.

Carlos: Alright, what match do we got after another break?

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Carlos: …great.

Fredo: What? Not enough room on Saturday Night for this match? Speaking of which…

Carlos: SATURDAY NIGHT HYPE IS BACK!

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I forgot VK was still employed.
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Probably gonna be a banger.
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Looks like he’s also being sponsored by McDonald’s.
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lol
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Damn, gonna have to pay him a bonus for making a Saturday Night appearance.

Carlos: Hugh Morrus debuts against Macho Man. Hogan keeps looking like a black vibrator. Gonna be a banger.

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Disco Fever. Hell yeah.

Carlos: Yes. We’ve officially seen more Disco Inferno than Lex Luger on this week’s Nitro.

Fredo: Should have given Disco any push they were that they were planning on giving Luger.

Carlos: My dude better get the fuck outta dodge, though. Meng will straight bang his mouth til he dies.

Fredo: Not even because he’s gay. He just likes the feeling of horrified teeth grinding on his cock. Meng a freak.

Match 3: Meng vs “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

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Happy Halloween you idiots.

Carlos: Meng changes his gear every week. This week he rolled in wearing a mask/cape combination that looks like some kid’s mom in the projects made it for Halloween. But I wouldn’t say that to him because I value my life.

Fredo: Looks like he’s starring in the Samoan adaptation of the The Phantom of the Opera.

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The original Jerry Mascolo.

Carlos: I love America. But I can’t handle Hacksaw right now.

Fredo: I can always handle Hacksaw. Go join ISIS, fgt.

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This isn’t actually me, because I’d look way more hyped than this little dickhead.

Carlos: YO FRE I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE AT THIS NITRO?

Fredo: I bleached my skin and became a fgt. I was undercover. But I can never hide my love for Sting.

Carlos: Let me summarize the first 4 minutes of this match. Punch, shoulder tackle, clothesline, punch.

Fredo: I’m pretty sure you just summarized the entire match.

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Looking slightly disgusted, but still doing OK!

Carlos: Duggan really proud with the banger he’s putting together. You know the only thing I remember about Duggan’s WCW run other than team Canada and being a janitor? He once cut a promo on WCW Saturday Night with a MASSIVE booger hanging out of his nostril. That shit stuck with me.

Fredo: I just remember him almost dying from cancer.

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Goodnight, sweet prince.

Carlos: Meng slaps on the tongan spike of doom and mercifully ends this exhibition of mediocrity. Crowd fucking loved Hacksaw, though. They might’ve just really hated Tongans. I don’t know.

Fredo: I’m going to go with they loved Hacksaw becuase to hate Tongans would be to incur the wrath of Meng. And fuck all that.

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If you squint, this could be the Hollywood Blondes.
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Sting totally not gonna regret this.

Carlos: I guarantee this will all go smoothly for Sting. Trusting Flair was the right choice.

Fredo: Yep, he’s definitely not going to have the Horsemen stomping his dick in by Halloween Havoc.

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Goth Hogan is my shit.

Carlos: Evil Hogan cutting a promo on Sullivan and The Giant. If you turn the audio off, it also kinda looks like Hogan is apologizing to all the black people he offended.

Fredo: Or like he’s mocking them. “I’m the only successful black man in the world, BROTHER!”

Carlos: I’m so glad Hall and Nash were there to anchor heel Hogan because this promo is AWFUL. Nah, it’s cool, call The Giant stinky 12 more times. SO. FUCKING. HEEL.

Match 4: “The Enforcer” Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman vs “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair and Sting

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We’re entering Horsemen Country and I’m HYPED AS FUCK!

Carlos: Yeah, Arn better have a god damn televised entrance this week. So clutch.

Fredo: I would have straight up thrown my television today.

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Robe game: Barney (but tight)

Carlos: Flair’s robe game is almost too tight.

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Coral and I in another life, but still seated next to retards at wrestling shows.

Carlos: Those dudes are a visual representation of how much you and I, too, love the 4 Horsemen.

Fredo: Except we aren’t white trash.

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Back the fuck up, Arn.

Carlos: No Sting?

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Pillman showing his chop game is also tight.
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Flair returns all favors.
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Flair looking like he saw the perfect set of tits across the room.

Carlos: Flair doesn’t give a fuck. He’s gonna chop every dude he sees.

Fredo: Flair gonna chop every dude and bang those dudes’ wives.

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Carlos: WOW. Flair is going in. Two on one not bothering the Nature Boy. Much like how he likes his women.

Fredo: That’s why he is 16 times your heavyweight champion, player. He don’t give a shit.

Carlos: Flair trying to put this one away!

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Carlos: Flair trying to snap all the legs. That numbers game is gonna eventually catch up to him.

Fredo: Flair really going hard this match.
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Carlos: WOW. I expected Pillman to knock him off the apron but he chopped the FUCK outta him instead.

Fredo: FUCK, that chop rattled me to the core.

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Carlos: HE HITS IT. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS MATCH?

Fredo: Flair has hit too many things off the top the last few weeks. I guess that’s how babyface Flair do.

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Carlos: It was just a matter of time. Arn slam him with another picture perfect spinebuster.

Fredo: Shit is like a fine painting every single time.

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I GOT U FAM

Carlos: Sting has seen enough! He’s here! Little Fre is HYPED.

Fredo: FUCK THAT, BIG FRE IS HYPED. Also, why does Pee Wee look so appalled?

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Carlos: Flair breaks free! CAN HE MAKE THE TAG TO STING WHO IS COKED OUT OF HIS MIND AND READY TO FUCK?

Fredo: If coked up Sting makes it, Arn and Pillman are gonna have to suck it.

Carlos: STING IS IN!
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Carlos: Sting is cleaning house! LET’S. DEW. THIIIIS.

Fredo: Man, Sting knew how to make a comeback and come in off a hot tag. Gets that crowd hyped.
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Carlos: “I FUCKING LOVE COCAAAAAINE” – Sting

Fredo: He is throwing around Sting Splashes like it’s his business and his bussiness is snorting as much cocaine as he possibly can. Which actually is his business before and after matches, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.

Carlos: He just Stinger Splashed Arn and Pillman to death.
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Carlos: Flair and Sting win by count out! They are ready for the rematch at Halloween Havoc! Sting can totally trust Flair. I’M SURE OF IT.

Fredo: Sting fucking wrecked Arn and Pillman tonight. No amout of cocaine in the world is going to make Flair not turn on Sting tho.

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Carlos: Let’s see what’s going down on next week’s Nitro.

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Carlos: You hit me with Sting/Luger vs Harlem Heat and Benoit/Malenko vs Alex Wright/Guerrero to get me hyped, then bring me way down by showing me black vibrator looking Hogan again. Either way, I’M HYPED. I hope Team WWF bothers to show up this week. Jabronis.

Fredo: I’m hyped on next week’s Nitro. Let’s hope Team WWF is hyped enough to bring the heat. See ya next week!


 

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