WrestleMania IX is a joke. There is no better way to put it. This is the same event that Undertaker took on Giant Gonzalez. If you haven’t seen that match, you need to count your blessings. It is on a whole other level of bad. It’s legendarily bad, in fact. Get a group of wrestling fans together, and ask them what they think the worst match of Undertaker’s streak is, and a majority of them will cite that pile of dookie (w/ King Kong Bundy coming in at a close second).
Yet, thanks to Hulk Hogan’s infamous backstage politicking, the visual diarrhea known as Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez was not the worst thing to happen at the ninth Showcase of the Immortals.
Where do I begin?
Well, before we really get into this, there is an interesting tidbit to get into: Matt Borne thinks that the black eye Hulk was sporting throughout this ‘Mania, came by way of a right hand from The Madness, Macho Man Randy Savage.
In fact, here is the rather hilarious quote, in full:
“Randy Savage gave it to him. I’d bet my left nut and my son’s life on it. Hogan showed his true colours, thats why he got the black eye. Randy Savage was a man. Hulk Hogan has never been a man. Hulk Hogan’s a big ass pussy. I don’t care if you call and tell him I said that. His ex Elizabeth was seeing this small time producer, who happened to be a friend of Hogan. Elizabeth was hiding in the back room when Savage went to see Hogan and he found out about it. Friends don’t do friend like that. Who can you say is Hulk Hogan’s friend? The only people that can say their Hulk Hogan’s friends are the people who are riding his coat tails and trying to make a living off of him like Brian Knobbs or some fat fuck like that. Hogan was supposed to be Savage’s friend and he threw him under a bus and he got a black eye for it.”
The real reason, according to WWE officials, is a “jet ski accident.”
If that’s true, I hope Brutus “The Jabroni” Beefcake was there, and started having flashbacks of the time that parasail broke his stupid fucking face.
It all began on April 2nd, 1993. Vince McMahon called his WWF Champion, Bret Hart, and asked him to come to his suite, so that they could talk. Once they were together, Vinny Mac dropped the bad news: he needed The Hitman to lose the Championship to Yoko at WrestleMania, which took place on April 4th, 1993. Legend has it that Hulk was essentially holding Vince up, similar to the way that Ultimate Warrior did for SummerSlam 1991.
Keep in mind, that is the legend. I haven’t been able to find confirmation on why Vince decided to put that title on Hulk at WM IX – just that he did.
Obviously, Bret Hart was devastated to find out that not only would he lose the title, but he’d also have to endure Hulk Hogan coming in, and beating Yoko in less than 30 seconds. Wouldn’t you be upset, too? Put yourself in Bret’s pink and black attire.
You work hard AF to get where you want to be. You finally win the highest prize in the company, effectively reaching that position you’ve strived for, for all these years. Then some dude with the skin of a hot dog comes along, and steals your moment. I’d be fucking furious.
The following passage comes from Bret Hart’s book,”Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling“:
“Hulk arrived with his entourage: his wife, manager, Beefcake and Jimmy Hart. Clearly he’d been in the know all along, probably from the first day he came back. Now he was suddenly acting like my long-lost old pal and wearing a big smile that rightfully belonged to me.”
That last sentence, even written, really gets across the amount of disdain that Bret has for Hulk Hogan.
Early in the night, Hulk teamed up with Beefcake (pictured above) to challenge Money Inc. (Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster) for the WWF Tag Team Championships. The match wasn’t good. DiBiase and I.R.S. put some work in to make it watchable, but that’s it. Luckily for them, they were able to escape the tornado of red and yellow with their titles in tow, thanks to a disqualification victory.
The fans all thought that Hogan was done for the night. How wrong they were. Bret Hart and Yokozuna went through their whole match, then Mr. Fuji got involved, throwing some powder into Bret’s face. The distraction allowed for Yoko to get the upper hand, and pin The Excellence of Execution, winning himself the WWF Championship.
Then out comes The Hulkster to check on his “friend” Bret, and protest the injustice that had just been done to him. While he was standing there, Fuji, all full of piss and vinegar, decided to challenge Hogan to a WWF title match, against his Yokozuna. He thought his performer invincible, so why not challenge the legendary purveyor of Hulkamania?
30 seconds later, and Hulk had another WWF Championship reign under his belt.
Again, from Bret Hart’s autobiography:
“Yoko was still teetering from exhaustion and looking for a second wind that wasn’t there. Hogan blinked in astonishment at his sudden good fortune. As scripted, with my face buried in the crook of my arm, I waved him to avenge my loss. “Go get ’em, Hulk!”
I was really thinking, Go ahead, Hogan, take from me what I worked so hard to get. We’ll see just how long you last! Hogan was champion again without even having a match—and before I’d even made it backstage. He simply ducked the powder Fuji threw in his face, clotheslined Fuji and dropped his big leg on Yoko. I could hear the one . . . two . . . three, the roar of the crowd and Hogan’s music thumping. I couldn’t help but stare at the TV monitor watching Hogan work the crowd with the same old posing routine, a hand behind the ear, shaking the World belt in the air as if to say it belonged to him all along.”
It gets worse.
I know what you’re thinking, “how can this get any worse?”
Well, how about Hulk Hogan refusing to repay the favor to Bret Hart? He was supposed to win the title at WrestleMania IX, and then put Bret Hart over later. Instead, he decided Bret wasn’t in his league, and then, at King of the Ring 1993, Hogan lost the title to Yokozuna in one of the most infamously shitty finishes to ever take place inside a wrestling ring.
A cameraman jumped onto the curtain to take a picture of Hulk, and for some ludicrous reason, the camera exploded in Hogan’s face, allowing for Yoko to get the upper hand and pin him, winning back the WWF Championship.
One final time, from the autobiography of The Best There Is, The Best There Was, and The Best There Ever Will Be:
“I showed up in the dressing room for King of the Ring in a dark mood and promptly drew a blackboard cartoon of Beefcake with his face buried in Hogan’s ass cheeks with a caption that read, “Be careful, Brutus, you don’t want to loosen the screws in your face . . . speaking of screws . . .” I was taking my frustration out on Beefcake, which wasn’t right, but I was too pissed off to know it at the time.
What Hogan had done was perfectly clear to the boys, and they enjoyed the humor of my cartoon. Since Hogan rarely bothered to come into the dressing room, he didn’t see it, but Beefcake sure did and went slinking back to Hulk. But it didn’t matter to me: Hogan was no longer one of the boys, and he never would be again.”
A year later, Hulk was gone from the WWE, and filming “Thunder In Paradise,” a show that I can only assume is terrible. He didn’t return until 2002. Bret Hart and Yokozuna, on the other hand, were given their opportunity to actually have their own moment at WrestleMania X. That time, there was no chance of the red and yellow blowing through, and ruining everything.
SOURCE: The quotes from Bret Hart’s book were originally collected for and by ProWrestlingStories.com. Do yourself a favor, and check that site out. There are a bunch of fascinating stories.
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: Courtesy of WWE.com.