Monday Nerdo War – WCW Monday Nitro – 09/18/95

Welcome everyone to week 3 of the Monday Nerdo War! Carlos and Fredo of the Tiger Driver ’91 podcast here again, coming to you LIVE from the September 18th, 1995 episode of Monday Nitro!

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Is that…

Carlos: Wait…

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“I’m here to save these dumb as fuck jabronies.” Damn, Pepe is hard as nails.

Carlos: YES. GOD, YES. PEPE MCMICHAEL RIGHT OFF THE TIP.

Fredo: How many angry letters did they receive telling them to get that big dumb jabroni off of TV? And that they’d rather watch his adorable dog shit on the booth than hear McMichael speak.

Carlos: Bischoff said that Pepe McMichael was brought back to Nitro “by popular demand.” You’re fucking right he was. WWF should’ve had Pepe show up on Raw and drop the TV Title in the garbage.

Fredo: The only one more over than Pepe at this table is Heenan, and that’s just barely.

Carlos: Bischoff keeps talking about the fallout from Fall Brawl but all I’m hearing is “Pepe McMichael Pepe McMichael Pepe McMichael.”

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Gene looking like he wishes he was dying in the back of that ambulance.

Carlos: They went to the back because Mean Gene said there was an emergency. By the looks of it, Gene shit his pants.

Fredo: At his age that’s less of an emergency, and more of something you just adapt to.

Carlos: Oh, yeah. The Dungeon of Doom had Hogan carted out of the arena in an ambulance the night before. The Giant and The Yeti hug-fucked him to death.

Fredo: Nah, dude. Hulkamania is immortal, brother. So he was just straight up raped by a mummy and a giant, but not to death.

Carlos: Somehow this is all slightly less silly than some of the shit going on over on Raw. Slightly.

Fredo: Nothing silly about a man called the Yeti, but dressed like a mummy.

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Lemme hug ya, little man

Fredo: Yo, is he Andre’s son? I can’t tell.

Carlos: This promo is abysmal. Gene legit addressed him as Andre The Giant’s son like…three times. Really trying to get that over. Andre wants Hulkamania destroyed from BEYOND THE GRAVE, BROTHER.

Fredo: I’m sure that even decomposed in his grave, he is still far too trashed to wanna destroy anything. My man probably has grapes growing from his grave.

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Replaced 3 fingers with skin tone dildos

Carlos: Dude, look at this guy’s digits. Those are huge. It’s like a row of healthy dicks.

Fredo: Could lure Joey over to Team WCW with the promise of those cock fingers in him.

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When ya laugh so hard at ya boy’s joke that you become a fucking giant with rabies

Carlos: Every time The Giant stops to give us a good ol’ evil laugh I fucking lose it. Do you think this is better than what he’s doing today?

Fredo: I jokingly want to say yes, but I can’t even do that. Though he did monster truck feud with Hulk…

Carlos: I’m oddly torn on whether or not I wanna keep 2015 Big Show or have Kevin Sullivan come back and manage him. They can just get Strowman on board as El Hijo Del Yeti and we can get back to some classic hug-fucking.

Fredo: Call ’em the Dungeon of Doomed. Doomed like that really shitty angle.

Match 1: The American Males vs The Blue Bloods

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No homo.

Carlos: Real talk: I was an American Males fan. That theme song was fire. This was, easily, the last respectable thing Bagwell did before having sex for money.

Fredo: I’m actually pretty big on a lot of Bagwell’s teams. 2 Cold, Stars and Stripes, this one, Vicious and Delicious, but not Luger. Fuck Luger.

Carlos: Did these guys ever really have a gimmick besides two dudes in vests? Were they male dancers? Why was I such a fan?

Fredo: How did this get so over? Why did the theme song speak to me on so many levels? Am I gay, dude? Am I falling in love with you, dude?

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Harlem joins the American Revolution.

Fredo: Get your fucking hands off of Beautiful Bobby.

Carlos: Holy shit, Harlem Heat is out! Looks like Bobby Eaton owes Stevie Ray some money. Poor Bobby, randomly getting his shit pushed in by Harlem Heat.

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Nick Patrick is wondering why Bunkhouse Buck couldn’t drop the titles to these jabronies instead.

Carlos: Harlem Heat won the titles the night before from Colonel Robert Parker’s bunch and it looks like they feel like putting em on the line.

Fredo: Yes, this all makes a lot of sense.

Carlos: RIP Sister Sherri. She definitely gave me really confusing boners.

Match 1: Harlem Heat (c) vs The American Males

Carlos: Now, Fre, is it smart for Harlem Heat to put the titles up against a relatively young team in Riggs and Bagwell? They’ve had less than a day’s rest.

Fredo: Nah, must be that 90s Harlem education.

Carlos: Stevie Ray is beating the fuck outta Riggs. Wait, I spoke too soon. American Males drop Stevie Ray on his ass after a double dropkick. Bischoff called that, “double your pleasure, double your fun.” Fuck. Their gimmick has to be male dancers. 9 year old Carlito, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Fredo: I think I knew back then there was something terribly wrong with liking them, but if it was wrong, I didn’t want to be right.

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White man always holding ya down.

Carlos: American Males working together really well. Still can’t help but want Bagwell to like, cripple himself coming off the top. Save us from Buff. Preserve the memory of the pure, American, 2 Cold Scorpio partnering Marcus Alexander Bagwell.

Fredo: He’s just one of those dudes who worked really well as a tag team specialist. As a singles wrestler he was really successful at getting JBL to shit in his hat.

Carlos: Even here, you can tell Booker T was good. Dude is too athletic. He attacks the ropes when he bounces off em. Even muscled Bagwell up with a nasty powerslam. Charisma out the ass, too. Poor, poor, Stevie Ray.

Fredo: Yeah, at least Stevie had the nWo B-team.

…yeah.

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Coming for ya finish, Hulk!

Carlos: Booker T missed with a big leg drop. Taking a page out of Hogan’s book. Hogan might just come after you now, Booker.

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Booker T: The Prima Ballerina

Carlos: HOLY SHIT. LOOK AT THE HEIGHT ON THAT SCISSOR KICK.

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Ouch

Fredo: I’m glad that Riggs decided the best approach to selling this was to fucking DIE.

Carlos: WOW. Riggs decided to jacknife himself to sell that nasty ass kick. I gotta give it to ‘em, Riggs puts in work. Dude was super underrated.

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Scotty loves getting kicked in the face apparently

Carlos: DUDE. Everyone is just watching Riggs get his head kicked off. Bagwell hasn’t done anything this entire match. Which, in retrospect, might be for the best. I hate you, Buff.

Fredo: Relax, dude. Hate Buff, but this is still Marcus Alexander and I won’t have you trash his good name.

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A man whose character definitely owned slaves is courting a woman who manages black athletes. WCW!

Carlos: BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP. Colonel Robert Parker was the man. Where the hell is Jack Swagger senior?

Fredo: I think Mr. Swagger is in his bunk house…

Carlos: How riveting was that Sherri Martel/Colonel Robert Parker love interest storyline? It still stands the test of time.

Fredo: I’m pretty sure it’s far more interesting than the rest of the Stud Stable at this point.

Carlos: Oh no, Sherri leaves with the Colonel and it distracts Booker T. Bagwell rolls him up! NO WAY.

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Where the big boys play.

Fredo: Little Fre was stoked on this and probably gayAF.

Carlos: I did not expect this. Riggs is hyped.

Fredo: American Males just cemented themselves in the anals of WCW history. Mostly for the theme song.

Carlos: That match, thanks to Scotty Riggs murder, was pretty solid. I wonder what else is on the menu for tonight?

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It’s a good day for a Badd match.

Carlos: …great. Johnny B. Badd. How was that run still better than Mero in WWF? Marc Mero’s gift to the wrestling world was Sable.

Fredo: I won’t front: I loved Johnny B. Badd. Theme was also incredible and would get me hyped. When he shot that cannon with confetti? Hyped. Looking like he also doubled for Little Richard in gay porn flicks? Hyped…?

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Savage looking like he’s going on safari through a volacano.

Carlos: I’m so psyched that they kept the Slim Jim commercials in these. The more Macho Man Slim Jim product placement in my life, the better.

Fredo:Yeah, I dig it too. HHAHAHAHAHA. SUCK IT.

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#robegametight

Carlos: Back from the commercial to Mean Gene in the ring. Flair is coming out, about to drop some knowledge. I bet Arn got him feeling some type of way.

Fredo: Probably wondering why Arn’s windbreaker game is so tight but he be holding out on a nigga tho.

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Tell me where you got those fucking windbreakers, Arn.

Carlos: Flair isn’t stoked that Pillman got involved with Horsemen business. Flair can do it all. Hero, villain, whatever. The crowd is psyched on him. I’m pretty excited on that main event. I feel like Flair is gonna light Pillman up.

Fredo: Flair is especially good at gaining Sting’s trust and be a super face to immediately stab him in the back.

Carlos: Bischoff is hyping the Saturday Night card. This might be my favorite thing each week. I wanna see what’s going down on that Saturday Night.

Fredo: What the fuck else were you doing on Saturdays at 6:05?

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Banger.
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Food break or nah?
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Clubberin.
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“Why am I appearing on this show, brother?”

Carlos: I need a second to take in the emotional journey that preview just took me on.

Fredo: Man, how did I defend WCW to my friends sometimes? At least Sting vs Regal is a certified banger.

Carlos: Sting vs William Regal is, without question, a banger. I almost wanna look for that match on youtube.

Fredo: Gonna reroute your YouTube search to only find Sgt. Pitbull Pittman vs Cobra. Gonna make you suicide yourself.

Carlos: WHO. THE FUCK. IS COBRA? That match against Sgt. Pitbull Pittman is supposed to be a rematch from Fall Brawl. Man, WHAT?

Fredo: My man, you don’t recognize Cobra? That’s nWo Sting. Ruining my life far before he made me rip that Sting trading card.

Carlos: Hogan and Dusty both being on Saturday Night blows my mind. 1995 might be remembered as the last year anyone above the mid-card ever agreed to appear on Saturday Night.

Fredo: I mean it was their #1 show for a long time. The muddaship is slowly turning into the sinking ship.

Match 2: “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs Johnny B. Badd.

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Pretty
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Wonderful

Carlos: That “Mr. Wonderful” theme might be one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard. Look at that outfit.

Fredo: That theme song drew more heat than most modern day heels could on their best night.

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#robegametight
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ROBE GAME: BADD

Carlos: Johnny B. Badd refuses to have his robe game shown up. My dude knew how to dress.

Fredo: I feel like he would have had more success in WWE if his robe game was tight like this instead of washed up boxer.

Carlos: “When You’re Hot, You’re Hot.” Fuck. I can’t. There is no way this match can live up to that robe game.

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Fuck Little Richard

Carlos: Orndorff is not happy about the “Paula” chants. He’s straight up trying to murder Johnny B. Badd.

Fredo: I’m gonna assume he also hates gay people with how vicious this choke is.

Carlos: Wait, dude. Look at Orndorff’s face. He looks like the bad guy from The Mask when he put the mask on. That’s fucking with me hard right now.

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fight me u lil bitch

Carlos: Orndorff knows Nick Patrick is eventually gonna stab us all in the back. He feels it.

Fredo: His eyes look so fucking small.

Carlos: His fucking face, though. God damn.

Carlos: Mercifully this match ends with a Wonderful roll up. We should’ve fast forwarded right after the entrances.

Fredo: Should have fast forwarded to Paul’s neck getting broken. Thanks for Pretty Wonderful you dick.

Carlos: Bischoff sends us to footage of Macho Man on the set of Baywatch. I don’t remember him ever showing up on there. My loss.

Fredo: I’ll pick Mach’ over fits.

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Lift heavy, jabroni

Carlos: This legit looks like a Baywatch porn parody.

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Savage showing us what dat mouf do

Fredo: Mother of god this is horrifying. Mach’s mouth looking like a diseased vag.

Carlos: Dude. Why?

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Kevin Sullivan confusing dat mouf for Nancy’s snatch

Carlos: Kevin Sullivan begins a feud with Savage by surprise 69ing him on the set of Baywatch. Fantastic. Oh shit, Flair with the save.

Fredo: I like how Randy being on the show means the entire WCW roster also fucking hangs out.

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#crew

Carlos: What is Flair wearing? Is this actually a parody porn? HOW DID WE GET HERE?

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I can’t even caption that outfit.

Carlos: Savage is out. He’s feeling all the types. He doesn’t appreciate getting mouth blasted by Sullivan in the middle of a set. That’s just reckless.

Carlos: Savage doesn’t trust Flair, even though he saved him. What has Flair ever done to cause anyone to think he couldn’t be trusted? Anything? Anything, ever?

Fredo: Sting should probably take some pointers from Flair.

Carlos: Macho Man is on a tear, he doesn’t trust Luger either. Wait, no.

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Luger’s shirt game has moved up a century.

Fredo: We almost made it.

Carlos: WE WERE SO CLOSE. NO LUGER FOR ALMOST HALF AN EPISODE.

Fredo: Oh cool, Macho man is going to have a heart attack carrying Luger through a match.

Carlos: Luger/Macho Man feud. Add that to the list of things I never wanted in my life.

Carlos: Bischoff has footage played from what went down before Fall Brawl.

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Sit in traffic with the Hulkster.

Carlos: Is this supposed to be outside of the arena? Why are people just…gathered on the side of a highway? Hulkamania is strong with these folks.

Fredo: Like…how do you advertise this? Meeting Hulk Hogan on the shoulder or route jabroni? The fuck is wrong with WCW?

Carlos: Hogan called his bike “Black Beauty.” Yes, he did.

Fredo: I’m surprised he didn’t call her Blizz Beauty.

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Oh, word?

Carlos: This is gonna be incredible.

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The only black thing he didn’t want destroyed.

Carlos: NO, BLACK BEAUTY, NOOOOO.

Fredo: The only black thing Hogan ever loved.

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Man, Giant gets hyped on Hogan’s sadness.

Carlos: Hahahahahahah, fuck. I can’t. He’s so happy. He looks like a kid that just got home from school and his mom made hot dogs.

Fredo: Yes, but you know…like 20 hot dogs because he’s a fucking giant.

Carlos: Now they are gonna hit us with footage from War Games.

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Looking like he woke up from tanning in Vietnam.

Carlos: Oh, shit. I was confused. It was Halloween Havoc when Hogan got hug-fucked to death by The Giant and The Yeti. I guess I just wished that’s the footage they were gonna show. This isn’t even a fraction as hilarious.

Fredo: Wait for it.

Carlos: Correction: Hogan in camo and face paint is pretty hilarious.

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Get some fucking knee pads.

Carlos: Sullivan looks like he just walked in on The Giant cheating on him.

Carlos: The Giant “screwed Hogan’s head off.” I remember being so pissed. Someone get the American Males out there to make 9 year old Carlito feel better.

Fredo: I was just happy it wasn’t Sting.

Main Event: Brian Pillman vs “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair

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EvilAF

Fredo: Two shows ago he was just aimlessly wrestling Liger. Now he’s evilAF.

Carlos: Pillman’s heel turn happened outta nowhere if you only watched Nitro. He was a phenomenal heel, though, so I’m fine with it.

Fredo: Pillman 9mm

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Carlos: “Flyin’ Brian, time to ride space mountain.” That guy’s sign game is on point. He wants Pillman to have sex with Ric Flair.

Fredo: In his defense, I also want Flair and Pillman to sex.

Carlos: These dudes are chopping the fuck outta each other. This pleases me.

Fredo: Brian’s chop game is underrated. He hit dudes hard.

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Carlos: Oh god, why is Flair going up top? Also, what the fuck is Pee Wee doing?

Fredo: Pee Wee wants to take the more hands on approach to reffing.

Carlos: Pee Wee reminding Flair of his success rate going off the top.

Carlos: He connected! Flair hits an axe handle off the top to the outside! 1/1!

Fredo: It’s probably more like 1/1000

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Fredo: Love when Flair does this, lands in the apron, and climbs to the top.

Carlos: That is one of my favorite Flair spots. Other than the Flair flop, this gets me every time.

Carlos: Why is he going back to the top? You’ve rolled the dice once already. Oh no.

Fredo: Flying too close to the sun, Ric.

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Fredo: And the sun just burned your ass.

Carlos: 1/2. 50% ain’t bad.

Carlos: They are back on the floor. Flair is beating the shit outta Pillman. God damn. Pillman is chopping him back hard AF, though.

Carlos: HE’S GOING UP TOP AGAIN.

Fredo: Flair really hyped on hitting that one Axe handle so much he decided he wants to be a cruiserweight.

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Flair reenacting his plane crash .

Fredo: Same old Flair.

Carlos: Yep.

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SEE ME, ARN.

Carlos: Flair suplexed the fuck outta Pillman. He always talks about how he rarely beat anyone with the Figure 4, but he just did right there.

Carlos: He’s calling out Arn.

Fredo: Better tell Ric where dem sweet breakers at.

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Hair still on fleek.

Carlos: WHAT’S CHARLOTTE DOING HERE? Wait, nope. Still Ric.

Fredo: Different Flairs, same weird face.

Carlos: His chest looks like roast beef. I love it.

Carlos: Well, this Nitro had good bookends. Now, let’s take a look at what’s going on next week.

Fredo:Well, they sure know how to get the crowd going.

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Yeah, this is what you should hype at the end of Nitro.

Carlos: ….Yes.


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