Alright, Monday Nerdo War fans, Fredo and Carlos here from The Tiger Driver ‘91 Podcast with another episode of Monday Night Nitro! This one is coming to us from Miami, Florida. I can smell the Lex Luger from here. Let’s get to the action!
Carlos: Ask me how hyped I am on Vader’s face in the Nitro intro.
Fredo: I’m going to assume more hyped than you will be about anything else on this show.
Carlos: Almost too hyped.
Fredo: “Too hyped” doesn’t exist when it’s Vader time.
Fredo: I see Schiavone is still trapped in the Saturday Night black hole.
Carlos: Now this is the setup I’m used to. PEPE MCMICHAEL NOT PRESENT. FUCK THIS RIGHT OFF THE TIP.
Fredo: Surely, they must have noticed the fucking spike in viewership once Count Pepe showed up last week. These jabronies are fucking up.
Carlos: Mongo compared the Luger vs Hogan title match hype to the “Where’s the Beef?” lady. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Fredo: Man, what?
Carlos: “Weasel” chant warms my heart.
Fredo: Mongo should be the one missing half his jaw right now.
Match 1: Sabu vs. Alex Wright
Fredo: I see Vince is still sticking it to WCW with this shit entrance music.
Carlos: They must not have the rights to whatever theme Sabu used in WCW because the generic music he just came out to was offensive. Like, Samoa Joe’s debut NXT theme level of non-hype. I’m almost mad.
Carlos: I have no need for a pic of Alex Wright. I do need a pic of that WWF Hogan wrestle buddy in the background. I miss mine.
Fredo: I’m sure that wrestle buddy has seen some awful shit and probably doesn’t miss you.
Carlos: Announce team really trying to sell people on how fucking nuts Sabu is. You don’t need to convince me. The third move in this match Sabu hurricanrana’d Wright over the top rope and almost broke his own neck.
Fredo: I see Sabu has learned nothing from his experience with Chris Benoit.
Carlos: Bischoff called a tope con hello dive a “moonsault to the floor”.
Fredo: May as well call it “some spic jump.” It’s less offensive.
Carlos: HOLY FUCK. Sabu just launched himself off a chair into the steel guard rail. Didn’t even feel it.
Fredo: In his defense, he hasn’t felt in years.
Carlos: Wright with a beautiful dropkick and dive to the outside. Every Nitro episode is a countdown to the debut of Berlyn.
Fredo: Yes, every Nitro is a countdown to them finding real legitimacy.
Carlos: Sabu’s finish was anti-climactic. BUT I bet he’s gonna put Wright through a table.
Fredo: Berlyn would have never allowed this to happen.
Carlos: Aaaaand Das Wunderkid is Das Wunder dead.
Carlos: It looks like Alex Wright is nibbling on Sabu’s neck and Sabu is kinda liking it/kinda not.
Fredo: I’m sure Sabu has let men do worse for just a taste of cocaine.
Carlos: Nick Patrick reversed the decision? What a fucking dick. Sabu’s just too crazy. He was in the zone like Shamrock.
Fredo: Fuck you, Nick Patrick. No wonder you’re the nWo ref. Prick.
Fredo: Hyped on him laying down in his re-debut.
Carlos: Well, Mean Gene’s in the ring.
Carlos: If Flair keeps his suit on during his promo, I’ll be fucking blown away.
Fredo: if Flair keeps his suit on during this promo, it’s not a fucking Ric Flair promo.
Carlos: Flair questioning why Arn Anderson wasn’t with him on South Beach last night. Why was he in his hotel room talking to his wife and kid last night? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT, DOUBLE A? STOP BEING A GOOD FATHER AND HUSBAND.
Fredo: Arn straight dropping the ball, brother. Do some cocaine with Natch, brother. Fuck some broads, brother. Enforce that dick, brother. Spinebust some whores, brother.
Calos: Oh, fuck me.
Fredo: Stoked on 5 Luger segments this week.
Carlos: Why? Why the fuck is Luger out here? WHY?
Carlos: Listening to Flair try and put Luger over is awful. That was pointless. Luger came out to have Flair put him over and say he’s gonna beat Hogan later tonight. Man, fuck you Luger.
Fredo: Ric’s made a career of putting Luger over. This isn’t the first time.
Carlos: I’d rather hear about Flair and Anderson but nah. Here’s more Luger.
Fredo: Flair and Anderson or nah? They say nah.
Match 2: VK Wallstreet vs Sting
Carlos: Hey Fre, look, Bischoff questioned why Wallstreet suddenly goes by VK. I FUCKING WONDER.
Fredo: This is back when Bischoff only took only subtle jabs at Vince. You know, before he straight challenged Vince to fights on PPV.
Carlos: Damn, putas in Miami are all about Sting.
Fredo: And I’m sure Sting was about many Miami putas.
Carlos: That one girl kinda looks like J-Lo’s younger, less talented, mildly slow sister. Mildly.
Fredo: The only man who can shine brighter than the gold around his waist.
Carlos: These two are having a solid back and forth bout.
Fredo: Not too surprising. He may get stuck with shit gimmicks sometimes, but Rotunda is a solid hand.
Carlos: Brain just said they need to “slow it down.” Come on, Bobby. It was a hip toss and a dropkick. But I guess Wallstreet knew it was time to slow it down. He went outside to waste some time.
Carlos: Do you think VK is gonna take this one AND the WCW United States Championship?
Carlos: Man, he didn’t even bother beating him with the Scorpion Deathlock. Just a crossbody. Damn.
Fredo: I’m pretty sure Flair has beaten mad people with crossbodies. Steamboat too. Dangerous when executed by non-jabrons.
Carlos: Looks like we’re gonna get a rundown of the WCW Saturday Night card.
Fredo: Man, Disco Inferno debut? This Saturday Night is already gonna be better than the next RAW.
Carlos: WOW. The Renegade vs Max Muscle. I don’t even remember Max Muscle. But I remember The Renegade. In all his glory.
Fredo: TD91’s King Jabron in all his glory .
Carlos: Dave Sullivan and his rabbit setting WCW Saturday Night on FIRE.
Fredo: Good to see that Bubba went from Nitro main event against Hogan to Saturday Night match against Dave Sullivan in a blink of an eye.
Fredo: I’m legitimately hyped on Wright vs Pillman. Certified banger.
Match 3: Scott “Flash” Norton vs “The Macho Man” Randy Savage
Carlos: I’m pretty fucking stoked on this match.
Fredo: Me too. Hyped on grudge matches over stamps.
Carlos: Norton doesn’t even wait for the bell. He’s pummeling on Macho in his sweet ass jacket.
Carlos: Oh, great. They seem to be setting up a Mongo and Norton feud. I have no interest in that unless Norton cripples him.
Fredo: But then Pepe cripples Norton.
Carlos: WOW. Norton turned himself inside out from a Macho Man clothesline. I have never seen a man that size do that. He definitely didn’t need to do that. Props to Norton.
Fredo: That’s that Japanese instinct. I believe he developed it when Japs legit turned him inside out with lariats.
Carlos: Norton is demolishing Savage. Christ.
Fredo: Yet, this is to set up for the main event feud of MONGO, jabronies.
Carlos: Dude, he just dropped Macho on his head with that DDT.
Fredo: Man, if Match wants to work you, he’ll bump.
Carlos: Macho with a comeback!
Carlos: The Dungeon of Doom is coming out. YES.
Fredo: For I am hyped.
Carlos: Savage pushes Norton into Shark Bite. Shark falls on Norton’s legs, pinning him down. OH SHIT.
Fredo: Read that statement back to yourself and try not to lose your mind.
Carlos: Macho Man pics up the win because The Shark’s goofy ass fell on Norton’s legs. Perfect. Just…perfect.
Fredo: Only in pro wrestling is this just another day in the office.
Carlos: I wish the Zodiac died. For real. I wish that parasail finished the job.
Fredo: I would gladly sacrifice Ed to bring back like…Bastion Booger.
Fredo: GET HYPED FOR THIS MAIN EVENT, CORAL!
Main Event: Lex Luger vs Hulk Hogan
Carlos: Man, I can’t. They came back from commercial to show 10 seconds of Luger’s entrance then went back to commercial. I’d be so pissed.
Fredo: I’m totally OK with less Luger.
Carlos: Bischoff just addressed this as “the match the world has been waiting for.” Dude. Fuck you. Only thing I’ve been waiting for is a look at Jimmy Hart’s new jacket. It has Hogan’s tanned face on the back. I didn’t think airbrush paint came in a shade so brown.
Fredo: It’s more like the match the world has been waiting to get over with.
Carlos: Hogan having to carry this match worries me.
Carlos: First 5 minutes of this match have been lock ups. WAIT, HOGAN WITH SOME HYSTERICAL LOOKING CHAIN WRESTLING AND A DROP TOE HOLD. THEN A SUPLEX.
Fredo: Hogan inventing the cruiserweight exchange in video game movesets before it even existed.
Carlos: Luger no sold it and back to a lock up. Fantastic.
Carlos: Hogan no sold a suplex, too. Ain’t nobody gonna no sell Hogan and get away with it.
Fredo: Hogan is the only one impervious to pain here.
Carlos: Back to a headlock from Luger. Riveting.
Fredo: I’m legit surprised there hasn’t been a test of strength.
Carlos: How did we even get to a Torture Rack?
Fredo: “Alright, kid listen to the crowd. We’ve given em a bunch of mediocre maneuvers and a bunch of lockups. Time to take it home.”
Carlos: Why the fuck would luger randomly drop Hogan? The ref didn’t call for a bell or say Hogan quit. YOU DUMB AS HELL, LEX. LEX PERPLEXED.
Fredo: PERPLEXED, LEX? PERHAPS FLEX? MAYBE WIGGLE DEM PEX.
Carlos: HULKIN’ UP, IDIOT. Oh, thank god. The Dungeon of Doom out here to break things up before the match had an opportunity to continue.
Fredo: It’s not a great thing when you are relieved the Dungeon of Doom broke up a match.
Carlos: Macho and Sting run out to drive away the Dungeon.
Fredo: Man, that main event broke me. Good thing Luger joined team Hogan…yeah…
Carlos: GREAT. Luger joins their War Games team. Man, I just can’t with all this Luger. I tap out. But next week we get the Blue Bloods!
Fredo: Can’t wait for Euros and Beautiful Bobby.