Tonight at 8PM, the WWE will go live from Madison Square Garden, beginning “Brock Lesnar’s Go To Hell Tour.” Named as such, because the “We Need Brock To Sell Tickets and Raise Ratings Tour” didn’t sound nearly as catchy. Can’t put that on a marquis.
Despite the name, there will be wrestlers other than Lesnar on the card. It’s actually pretty damn stacked. So, let’s jump into this. What we’re doing here, by the way (since I couldn’t fit it in the title), is the same as this article. I’m going to throw out some predictions, and get people primed for the show. Then, later tonight, when it’s on, I’ll be back to keep you guys updated.
RANDY ORTON vs. SHEAMUS
This again? For real? Come on! The quicker this match ends, the better. It’ll only be the eight thousandth time we’ve seen it.
No big deal.
PREDICTIONS: I don’t care in the slightest. I’m sure Orton will win, because Sheamus is a heel, and this is technically a house show. Hopefully, this will be the last time, what with Sheamus carrying the case, and Randy dealing with the Wyatt family. I doubt it, but a man can hope.
UPDATE #1: It would appear that they’ve put this match, and the next one, together into a tag team contest – Orton and Ziggler vs. Rusev and Sheamus. Sweet. That makes for one less snoozer to deal with.
UPDATE #2: Whoa, Randy Orton just got a huge reaction from the MSG crowd. Good for him.
UPDATE #3: Randy and Dolph win it. Cool. Let’s move on.
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. RUSEV (W/ Summer Rae)
This is another one. Do we really have to sit through this again? They couldn’t figure anything else out? Maybe give one of them a match, and then have the other do a run-in and ruin it. Just throwing ideas out there.
This feud needs to die already.
PREDICTIONS: Who cares? This feud has been a curse for everyone involved – except Summer Rae. Somehow, it has only made her look better.
UPDATE: See the first match.
STARDUST vs. NEVILLE
UPDATE #4: Well, it would appear that the match listing for this show is not up to date on Wikipedia.
UPDATE #5: Neville wins, thanks to a Red Arrow. Always sweet to see him bust that out, and I’m sure he was hyped to do it at MSG.
TEAM PCB vs. TEAM BELLA – 6 DIVA TAG MATCH
UPDATE #6: Yeah, that match listing was way off. Anyway, what sense does this match make? Why are Charlotte and Becky still teaming up with Paige? Why on earth would they trust her again? So dumb.
UPDATE #7: For a few moments, there was a “we want Sasha” chant going. Awesome. Good for her.
UPDATE #8: Man, I hate this storyline with Paige. She needs to lose to Charlotte already, so Sasha and The Nature Girl can begin a program for the Divas Championship. That’ll blow minds.
UPDATE #9: PCB loses, thanks to Charlotte and Becky refusing to take Paige’s tag and enter the match. Whatever. As long as it’s over.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
CHRIS JERICHO vs. KEVIN OWENS (c)
I am hyped as hell on this. I’m a little upset that they made it for the IC title, because now I know KO isn’t going to lose. I didn’t think he was, but it’s Y2J. No matter how much he comes back and loses to young guys, there’s always a chance that he won’t. I mean, I don’t know if you know this, but the guy beat Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock in the same night to become the first-ever WWE Undisputed Champion.
PREDICTIONS: There’s no doubt in my mind that this will be the best match on the card. Jericho’s going to lose, but it’ll be one hell of a ride.
UPDATE #10: It’s about to begin. This match is going to be great.
UPDATE #11: KO gets the win with a poke to the eye, and a roll up for the three count. That’s what I’m talking about! Owens is the best heel in the entire company.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
THE NEW DAY (c) vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
I love this feud. Word is, that The Dudley Boyz could actually take this match, and the titles, so that these televised house shows can have an unpredictable feel to them. That would certainly do it. I can’t recall the last time that an important Championship changed hands on something that wasn’t a PPV. I want it. When Mankind won the WWF Championship on RAW, I lost my mind.
The same will definitely happen if Bubba Ray and D-Von begin their 10th Tag Team Championship reign tonight, in MSG. They started their careers in New York. Bubba, especially, is from Queens. If it happens, and they get that 3 count – MSG is going to explode.
PREDICTIONS: After what I just wrote – how could I not pick the Dudley Boyz? Any consistent reader of Nerdopotamus knows that we love New Day, but that doesn’t take away from our love of those table shattering bastards. We all grew up watching those guys, and they haven’t lost a step. It’s not like they’re #booty in that ring. They’re still killing it – hitting that 3D with the same quickness that they were, over a decade ago.
UPDATE #12: It begins. #SaveTheTables.
UPDATE #13: The Dudley Boyz win, but by DQ, thanks to Xavier Woods, who jumped into the ring, and broke up what was sure to be a three count.
UPDATE #14: New Day tried to put D-Von through a table, but it took too long. Moments later, it was Xavier Woods going through yet another table. They’re doing this well. That’s two matches in a row that the Dudleyz beat New Day by DQ. When they eventually win fair and square (and begin their 10th reign as WWE Tag Team Champions), people are going to lose their minds.
BROCK LESNAR vs. BIG SHOW
The eponymous match. This show is actually entitled, “WWE Live from Madison Square Garden: Lesnar vs. Big Show.”
That’s a terrible title. They couldn’t slap something a little less lazy on there? Something related to the “Brock Lesnar Goes To Hell Tour” name that they’ve been throwing out there. I don’t know – “Stop 1: Brock and the Giant.”
Just spitballing. I know that would bring WCW to mind, but you see where I’m headed. Make that title a little fancier. Give it a little more flair.
PREDICTIONS: Big Show will get some offense in, and then Brock will gain the upper hand, and never let it go. I doubt he’ll destroy Show as badly as he did at Royal Rumble 2014, but it won’t be a cake walk for The World’s Largest Athlete. He’s definitely going to experience some pain tonight.
UPDATE #15: Match went almost exactly as I said it would. Show got some offense in at first, and then Brock murdered him with a trip to Suplex city. Then, to finish it off, Lesnar hit him with the F-5, and pinned Big Show for a three count, and the W.
UPDATE #16: After the match, Brock walks back to the ring, and takes some more time to mess up Big Show with another F-5. Good!
WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
SETH ROLLINS vs. JOHN CENA (c)
This is going to be in a steel cage. Need I say more? Lately, Rollins and Cena have put on nothing but great matches. I guarantee that’ll continue with this one. Hell, imagine the SummerSlam or NOC match, but behind steel.
Sounds incredible, right? I can’t wait. I know it’s super unlikely, but I’d straight lose it if Rollins hit a Frog Splash off the top of the cage.
PREDICTIONS: Cena is not losing the US title. Not happening. The match will be a certified banger, yes, but the Doctor of Thuganomics is going walk out with the W, and his gold.
UPDATE #17: This match has been great. I haven’t updated much, because I’ve been watching. Had to stop, though, and point out the sick Tornado DDT that Cena hit on Rollins.
UPDATE #18: Man, I love a good steel cage match.
UPDATE #19: Rollins reverses the STF! What a move!
UPDATE #20: Here comes Kane!
UPDATE #21: HOLY SHIT! SETH ROLLINS WENT FOR THE FROG SPLASH FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!! HE MISSED, AND IT COST HIM THE MATCH, BUT HE STILL WENT FOR IT!! AWESOME!!!
UPDATE #22: In case you’re confused, Rollins climbed to the top of the cage, and it looked like he was going to escape and win the US title, when Kane’s music hit. Out he came to make sure Seth couldn’t climb down. With no other options, Rollins went for a Frog Splash from the top of the cage. Unfortunately, he missed John Cena, who bounced to his feet, and hit an AA on his opponent, pinning him for the three count.
Your winner, and still the United States Champion – John Cena!
UPDATE #23: The show went off the air with Kane walking to the back, after having devastated Seth Rollins with a Tombstone Pile Driver. Yay (sarcasm alert). The sooner this Kane feud ends for Seth, the better. He’s obviously not going to lose the WWE World Heavyweight Championship to him. So why should I (or anyone else) give a damn?