RAW Retro Rewind Review Special

We’re back with another Special Edition of the RAW Retro Rewind Review! This time, Joey and I sat down and forced ourselves to sit through not one, but TWO episodes of RAW, back-to-back! We’re trying to get through 1993 as quickly as possible.

So, let’s jump right into it.

EPISODE 4

This edition of RAW hooks you in, right from the tip, with Tatanka battling Damian Demento. WWF realized what a jabroni Demento was and already had him in the ring during Tatanka’s entrance. There’s nothing special about this back-and-forth contest, with Tatanka landing most of the offense. Tatanka is able to finish off Demento with the End of The Trail Samoan drop. This match doesn’t even deserve a picture and thats why it won’t get one.

Coming off that hot opener, Vince McMahon has a special ringside interview with the returning Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. Brutus was discussing how, over three years ago, he lost both his parents in succession and then his wife filed for divorce. Since he wasn’t suffering enough, life continued to deal Beefcake a shitty hand: his face was completely shattered in a parasailing accident.

Our next contest is a tag team match. The team of High Energy (“The Rocket” Owen Hart and “The Birdman” Koko B. Ware) faced off against the jabroni team of “Iron” Mike Sharpe and Von Krus. Von Krus would later go on to be Skull Von Krush in ECW and Vito in WCW/WWE. High Energy wasted little time in dispensing of their opponents, via a top rope dropkick by Ware and a jackknife pin by Hart.

Energy Level: HIGH AF (credit: WWE)
Energy Level: HIGH AF (credit: WWE)

Next up – one half of the Natural Disasters, Typhoon, takes on Doink “The Evil Clown.” Throughout the contest, Doink has his great wrestling style on display, taking it to the much larger Typhoon. Despite the size disadvantage, Doink manages to secure a victory by grabbing a handful of tights, providing him enough leverage to keep his opponent down for the three count.

Handfull of tights aka a "Melvin" (Credit: WWE)
Handfull of tights aka a “Melvin” (Credit: WWE)

This episode then takes a somber turn as the WWF takes a moment to pay tribute to a legend who had passed away: Andre “The Giant”.

After the ten-bell salute, we move onto the main event of the evening: the number one contender for the WWF Championship, Yokozuna vs. Bobby DeVito. Bobby DeVito later on would work for ECW in the group known as “Da Baldies” and then eventually as one half of the “Carnage Crew” in Ring Of Honor. He’d also return to WWE in 2006 on an episode of ECW on Sci Fi as Macho Libre, the spoof of the Jack Black movie Nacho Libre. 

I figured I’d talk about what he went on to do, because he got SQUASHED like the JABRONI that he is. During the match, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan calls in to discuss his upcoming match with Yokozuna. Duggan continually calls him “Yakazuma,” and when Vince corrects him, Duggan retorts with, “Whatever, its some Jap name.”

hackasaw-jim-duggan_2764271_GIFSoup.com

Once again, McMahon is ringside for an interview with the WWF World Tag Team Champions: Irwin R. Schyster and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase  – Money, Inc. The villainous duo mock the returning Beefcake and challenge him to a match on the next edition of RAW. They flip a coin to determine who will face him, and Ted DiBiase wins by calling “Heads.” Money, Inc’s manager, Jimmy Hart, comes out and tries to reason with them and make them see that this match could potentially ruin them as a tag team.

Everyone has a price and ALWAYS pay your taxes (credit: WWE)
Everyone has a price and ALWAYS pay your taxes (credit: WWE)

The main event is coming up next and it features the in-ring debut of “The Narcissist” Lex Luger. Luger is taking on Jason Knight. Knight would eventually go on to become the manager of ECW’s “The Impact Players.” For right now, he has to contend with a man who claims to be better than perfect, and his devastating forearm smash.

Luger really does have a metal plate in his forearm, by the way, thanks to a motorcycle accident he suffered, not long before this debut. Vince McMahon’s eyes definitely lit up when he found out about that.

“You have a metal plate in your forearm? That’s dope.” – Vince McMahon (probably)

After the forearm, Luger pins Knight with just his pinky – no more fitting a pin for a JABRONI.

RAW ends with a vignette for Mr. Perfect as the “Perfect Passer.” Steve Jordan is on hand to run the Tight End option, and Mr. Perfect completes every pass to him. The Perfect One caps it all off by throwing a touchdown pass – to HIMSELF!

EPISODE 5

This edition opens up with The Steiner Brothers up against the JOBBER tag team of Bobby Who and Glen Ruth. I’d just like to take a brief second to thank a reader of the RRRR, Chris Tyminski, for pointing out that Ruth would later be known as Headbanger Trasher. Early in the match, Scott drops Ruth on his head with a sick Full Nelson Suplex. Making quick work of their opponents, The Steiners finish them off easily with The Steinerizer.

Yokozuna is in competition up next, opposite Ross Greenburg. There’s barely even a match to discuss, as the undefeated number one contender picks up yet another victory in his undefeated career.

The fans are treated to a special 16 Man Battle Royal. The participants: Kim Chee, Kamala, Koko B. Ware, Owen Hart, Shawn Michaels, Mike Sharpe, Terry Taylor, Razor Ramon, Skinner, The Berzerker, Tatanka, Damian Demento, Bob Backlund, Typhoon, El Matador. You may have noticed only 15 names mentioned, that is because these men refused to wrestle if the 16th man participated. Who had struck this much fear into these men? None other than the recently debuted monster known as Giant Gonzalez!

The 15 men did battle until only the final three remained: Razor Ramon, Tatanka, and El Matador. The three man battled for the victory, until Giant Gonzalez snuck into the match. Ramon ducks under the bottom rope, and Gonzalez eliminates Tatanka and El Matador. After tossing the two unlucky grapplers, Gonzales leaves by stepping over the top rope.

Razor comes back in the ring and is declared the winner of the match!

Oozing Machismo (Credit: WWE)
Oozing Machismo (Credit: WWE)

We finally the get the “greatly anticipated” in-ring return of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. Despite not wrestling in three years, Brutus is able to get the better of “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase. Sensing that his Tag Team Championship partner was in danger, Irwin R. Schyster comes out to stack the deck in their favor. With his back turned to IRS, Beefcake leaves himself open to get attacked by IRS and his briefcase.

Drawing the disqualification doesn’t matter – saving face is all that matters to Money, Inc. After the match, Money, Inc. set up Beefcake to get smashed in the face with their briefcase. Jimmy Hart runs out to attempt to stop the attack but gets shoved to the ground by IRS. Beefcake’s surgically repaired face gets smashed by IRS’ briefcase and Beefcake is carried out on a stretcher to end the show.

That’ll do it for the first Double Feature Special on the RAW Retro Rewind Review.

Hope you all enjoyed it. See you next time, when we cover the RAW debut of The Immortal Hulk Hogan.

JOEY: Usually I’m more involved in these articles, but this time – I fell asleep. I can’t lie. I made it through Beefcake’s promo in the first episode, which was absolutely terrible, and then I passed out. I’m pretty hyped about that, I’ll be honest. I can’t stand Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. He’s a colossal jabroni. There’s no better way to put it.

Jerry Mascolo
JerryMascolo@Gmail.com