The 10 Worst Things Eric Cartman Has Ever Done

Eric Cartman is a monster. We all know this. We also know what is going to end up in the top spot here. It doesn’t get any worse than killing a dude’s parents, and feeding them to him in chili.

That’s just messed up.

10. He Gave Kyle Aids
EPISODE: “Tonsil Trouble”

Cartman goes to have his tonsils removed, and in the process, he is infected with aids. Kyle can barely contain himself. He’s psyched that after years of cruelty, karma has finally come back to bite Eric on his big ol’ ass.

Cartman, being a psycho, decides that isn’t okay. He doesn’t like being mocked. So, while Kyle sleeps, Eric breaks into his house and infects him with aids, which is absolutely horrible.

Thankfully, by the end of the episode, the boys run into Magic Johnson, and he gives them the cure to aids (money).

9. He Joined The Special Olympics
EPISODE: “Up The Down Steroid”

In this episode, Cartman finds out about the special olympics. Naturally, he assumes that if he were to get cleared to compete in the games, he’d go on to destroy all of his competitors.

It does not work out that way, though. Unbeknownst to him, the special athletes are just that – athletes. They end up completely embarrassing Eric. He places last in every event.

8. He Ruined Two British Nannies
EPISODE: “Tsst” 

This is a banner episode for Eric Cartman. It begins with him and his mother in the Principal’s office, where we learn that he chained a kid to the flagpole by his leg, and gave him a hacksaw. Oh, and he told the kid that he poisoned him.

So, before it even starts, Eric convinced a boy to cut off his own leg. That would be horrifying. It’d be all over the news.

After that, Cartman’s mom tries to bring in TV nannies to help fix his behavioral problems. He tortures one with talk of her barren womb, and then he drives the next absolutely insane. So much so, that three days later, she’s checked into a mental institution, babbling, and eating her own excrement.

7. He Convinces The Police That He’s a Psychic
EPISODE: “Cartman’s Incredible Gift”

Convincing people that you are a psychic is not that bad a thing to do. It’s not great, but there’s much worse. Convincing the police of that, however, is pretty damn awful. Since he’s Cartman, he went full-on scumbag, and used his newfound power to his advantage. He had numerous people arrested that didn’t deserve it, including a crew of rival psychics. All while a real killer was on the loose, killing people.

Basically, he pulled an Eric Cartman, and acted as shitty as humanly possible.

NOTE: As a whole, this is one of the funniest episodes in the show’s run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYzp7JgrabY

6. He Tries To Pull The Plug On Kenny For a PSP
EPISODE: “Best Friends Forever”

As per usual, Kenny McCormick dies. This time, it comes because he’s absolutely enthralled with his new PSP. He walks through the streets playing it, eventually causing him to be run over by a truck.

In his will, Kenny leaves the PSP to Cartman, much to Eric’s delight. Cartman wanted one desperately, but he showed up to the store too late. There was a line out the door, and by the time he got in, they were sold out,

So, right as Cartman’s about to take possession of it, Kenny is revived. This is days later, of course, so he’s a complete vegetable. From there, Cartman leads the charge to have the plug pulled. All so his longtime friend will die, and he can take possession of his PSP.

5. He Pretends To Have Tourettes
EPISODE: “Le Petit Tourette”

Cartman meets a kid with tourette’s syndrome at a toy store.

In his own words:

“I’ve got a golden ticket.”

He quickly convinces his mom and a doctor that he has the disease. He even scores a legitimate diagnosis.

Hilarity ensues.

4. He Took Advantage of Crack Addicted Babies
EPISODE: “Crack Baby Athletic Association”

He put two crack addicted babies across from each other, dropped a crack rock in the middle, and filmed the results.

Need I say more?

3. He Massacred Countless People With The Help of Cthulu
EPISODE(S): “Mysterion Rises,” and “Coon vs. Coon and Friends”

This is a three part series. In the first part, entitled “Coon 2: Hindsight,” the DP oil company drills a hole into another dimension, eventually allowing the dark lord Cthulu to rise on earth. Cartman, because he’s Cartman, manages to manipulate Cthulu into doing his bidding.

He then goes on a massive spree, taking the lives of countless innocents, in the process, as well as destroying the beautiful, but incredibly overpriced city of San Francisco.

2. Everything He’s Ever Done To Butters

I couldn’t narrow this down. There’s no way. It was hard enough getting this section down to three. Poor Butters. That kid has the worst luck.

In “Cartman Sucks,” Butters gets sent to a camp meant for homosexual kids to be reprogrammed, all because Cartman liked to have Butters stay the night at his house, and mess with him while he slept.

In “Awesom-O,” Cartman convinces Butters that he’s a robot. Butters being Butters, he falls head over heels for his new robot buddy.

Though, Butters does get his revenge at the end, when he plays a video of Cartman dancing around in his background, dressed as Britney Spears.

The worst example of Cartman messing with Butters has to be the episode entitled, “Casa Bonita.” Kyle is having a birthday party at the themed restaurant, Casa Bonita. Unfortunately for Cartman, he isn’t invited – Butters is.

So Cartman convinces poor Butters that a meteor is going to hit earth, and that he needs to hide out in a bomb shelter. He’s down there for an extended period of time. It’s awful. That’s another one. If it were real, it would have been all over the news.

1. He Has Scott Tenorman’s Parents Killed, and Then Feeds Them To Him
EPISODE: “Scott Tenorman Must Die

It all begins when Cartman purchases pubic hair from Scott Tenorman for ten dollars. He thinks that means he has hit puberty, because he got pubes. He doesn’t know that you have to grow them. When he finds out, he tries to get his money back.

Scott toys with him a bit here, which was the worst decision he could have ever made. He should have just given Eric his money back. He didn’t, and by the end of the episode, he was eating his parents in a bowl of chili. It only got worse when the show hit 200 episodes, and we learned that Scott and Eric share a father.

So that means he killed his dad, and his dad’s wife, and then fed them to his half brother.

Insane.

FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: I got the picture off of IMDB, but it didn’t have a credit on it. So – Comedy Central? I guess. I don’t know.

Walter Winchester
JFinnegan45@yahoo.com