Look – I know that isn’t saying much – believe me. I’ve seen them all. Wait, no, that’s not true.
I haven’t seen “The Marine 2,” with Ted DiBiase Jr.
I’m never going to, either. There’s no way I’m doing that to myself. When these movies are led by actual WWE stars, that’s one thing. I’ll deal with a lot of mediocrity to watch them act. Some of them are good enough to make it worthwhile.
John Cena was good in the first “12 Rounds.” That was the first time that anything about any of these films actually worked. The movie itself was doodoo caca, but I saw potential. Potential that was realized, recently, in the form of his hilarious “Trainwreck” performance.
Randy Orton has an interesting presence, as well. He did a fine job in what I saw of “12 Rounds 2,” but that movie was especially mediocre. I fell asleep when I tried to watch it, and have yet to give it another shot.
I also think Triple H did well on screen. That’s not based off of his WWE Studios films, though. I’ve always been impressed by his performance in “Blade: Trinity.” That movie is a big ol’ turd sandwich, but Trips came off beautifully. It was his first movie, and he was very natural. The opposite of Hulk Hogan, who always sounded like he was acting.
Oh, Big Show actually kills it in “Vendetta.” His performance is way better than that film even deserves. He’s terrifying. He kills Dean Caine’s wife very early on, and it’s vicious. I’d love to see him play a villain in a bigger, and better movie.
Anyway, let’s move to the topic at hand: “12 Rounds 3: LockDown.”
I can’t believe how much I enjoyed this movie. I’m willing to admit right now that I’m biased – I love Dean Ambrose. That dude rules. I mean, what’s not to love? He cuts an amazing promo, his matches are actually physical, and he yells at morning talk show hosts – all the time.
Seriously, though, I think he cuts the best promo in the WWE right now. That’s why I was so psyched when I found out he was leading a movie. I thought he had potential to be a good actor.
Turns out, I was right. That’s personal opinion, mind you, and it’s colored by what I consider to be an awesome career, but I really dug his performance. Remember, it’s a WWE Studios film. Cliches abound. If you can get over the smell of your own farts, I think you’ll really enjoy it.
The film begins with the murder of George Freemont, committed by a crew of dirty cops, led by Curtis from “24” (Roger Cross). Then, the next morning, we meet Detective John Shaw, as played by Dean Ambrose. In his first scene, Shaw is driving to work in his ugly yellow Mustang. He pulls up next to this young jabroni and his hot girlfriend, who are just chilling in a Porsche. Young jabroni revs his engine, as in, “yo, let’s race.”
So what does Shaw do? He flashes his badge, because he’s a good cop. Young jabroni looks away, and then his girl shoots Shaw the “bang me” eyes.
Without even thinking, these words escaped my lips:
“Dean Ambrose is gonna fuck your girl, bro.”
Moments later, Shaw arrives to his precinct, and gets back to work. He’s been on leave because of an incident that caused the death of his partner, who was also a rookie. Really piling it on. I wasn’t kidding about the cliches.
Luckily, Ambrose anchors the character. He doesn’t wear a leather jacket, nor does he smoke one cigarette. He’s also not The Lunatic Fringe. He’s John Shaw, and John Shaw is just a cop who wants to do the right thing. That’s why, when he discovers evidence from the Freemont murder that shows the dirty cops being dirty cops, he tries to turn it into his captain.
Unfortunately, she’s not at her desk.
Then Curtis gets wind of the evidence, calls his buddies, and they rush to the precinct to find it and destroy it. Once they get there, they discover that the evidence is a flash drive, made up to look like a credit card. Oh, and Shaw has it.
So Curtis pulls the fire alarm, and everyone bounces, except for him, Shaw, and the army of dirty cops at Curtis’ employ. Welcome to “12 Rounds 3: Die Hard In a Police Station,” starring Dean Ambrose.
That’s all I’m going to tell you. If you want to know more, check the movie out. It’s only an hour and a half (with credits).
Dean Ambrose handles himself tremendously in the role of Detective John Shaw. He can bang your girlfriend, and stop a whole crew of corrupt cops. That’s just how he rolls.
I brought the grade down based almost entirely on the fact that, in one scene, Ambrose absolutely devastates one of the corrupt cops by smacking him in the face with a 45 pound weight. Then, a couple scenes later, all homeboy’s got is a bruise on his cheek.
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: trailers.apple.com.