Welcome back to “Mr. X Watches Raw,” where – well – Mr. X watches Raw. That’s really all it is. I’m going to watch Monday Night Raw, and update this article, as the show goes along. This is for all those who don’t want to spend three hours in hell.
More often than not, Raw is very rough. It borders on impossible to get through. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to fall on this bloated, torturous bullet.
UPDATE #1: Man, I can’t wait for Sting vs. Seth Rollins at Night of Champions.
UPDATE #2: Also, before I forget – Sasha Banks is in the opening now. Good for her. Charlotte, too.
UPDATE #3: The Dudley Boys vs. The New Day? YES!
UPDATE #4: Sting opening up Raw? Welcome to the dream of every wrestling fan in the 1990’s.
UPDATE #5: The Stinger can still cut a great promo.
UPDATE #6: Sting is really sucking Triple H off, huh? More than once, he mentioned that Seth Rollins is not half the man that HHH is.
UPDATE #7: They should have went to a match after Sting. This promo is taking too long. Don’t need more people telling me that Seth isn’t half the man that Triple H is.
UPDATE #8: Oh, Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev. This should be terrible.
UPDATE #9: When did Ziggler get the new gear? I don’t know how I feel about it.
UPDATE #10: I guess it’s alright.
UPDATE #11: I really wish I cared about this match.
UPDATE #12: Summer Rae attacks Ziggler and causes a DQ. Thank God it’s over (unfortunately the feud is not).
UPDATE #13: Diva’s beat the clock challenge is up next. Something tells me this segment is going to be incredible.
UPDATE #14: Oh, yay, a Nikki Bella promo. I’m gonna take a leak.
UPDATE #15: It’s Becky Lynch, Charlotte, and Paige. Becky started. She won her match in three minutes and twenty-one seconds. Later in the night, another one will wrestle, and then the last one will probably be the second to last segment of the show. I’m betting on Charlotte pulling out the fastest victory, and becoming Number One Contender for the Diva’s Championship.
UPDATE #16: Big Show vs. Ryback for the Intercontinental championship. Awful.
UPDATE #17: Apparently I missed Lana’s ass, because I was typing this article. I hope you people are happy.
UPDATE #18: I love when Show responds to the “please retire” chants. I can’t wait to see the guy who retires him. His last match has to be against somebody great.
UPDATE #19: Ryback wins, and this match is over. Awesome.
UPDATE #20: Charlotte vs. Brie Bella. Let’s see if Charlotte can beat Becky Lynch’s time of three minutes, and twenty-one seconds.
UPDATE: 21: Charlotte wins her match in less than two minutes. Let’s see how Paige does later in the night.
UPDATE #22: THE DUDLEY BOYZ!! YES! YES! YES! They’re gunning for their 10th WWE Tag Team Championship reign.
UPDATE #23: Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro is next? I’ll take it.
UPDATE #24: Kevin Steen and Claudio Castignoli are wrestling on Monday Night Raw right now. Can’t be mad at that.
UPDATE #25: “Cole? Watch this, you little jerk!” Hilarious. I love you, KO.
UPDATE #26: Kevin Owens beats Cesaro again. Good. He needs all the wins that he can get.
UPDATE #27: Psyched on Summer Rae seeing Dolph Ziggler’s dong. That should make for some compelling wrestling.
UPDATE #28: It’s the giant, new Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose. Ambrose is gonna get crushed.
UPDATE #29: Braun Strowman is the name of Bray Wyatt’s new monster. This match is going to be rough.
UPDATE #30: Roman Reigns gets involved and causes a DQ, in favor of Strowman.
UPDATE #31: Strowman is single-handedly taking apart both Ambrose and Reigns. I think they’re going to need a third guy for this rivalry to continue. What about you guys? Don’t answer that. I’m kidding. Obviously they’re going to need a third.
UPDATE #32: Paige vs. Sasha Banks is next. Let’s see if Paige can beat Charlotte’s time.
UPDATE #33: Well, Charlotte will be facing Nikki Bella for the Diva’s Championship at Night of Champions. Good for her.
UPDATE #34: It’s a NEW DAY, YES IT IS!! They started a “save the tables” chant. Amazing. Oh, and Xavier Woods with straightened hair? Also amazing.
UPDATE #35: New Day has a table wrapped in bubble wrap. That’s great. Super psyched that PTP is on commentary again (sarcasm alert).
UPDATE #36: Darren Young needs to not be on commentary anymore.
UPDATE #37: Yeah, Byron, Xavier isn’t in the match, so he can do whatever the hell he wants.
UPDATE #38: The Dudley Boyz just beat the Tag Team Champions in their first match back in over ten years. Now it’s time for bubba and D-Von to put somebody through a table.
UPDATE #39: Never mind. Xavier Woods pulled Big E out of the ring, right before he was going to catch a 3-D.
UPDATE #40: Next up – Seth Rollins calls out Sting, and demands that he returns his statue. We’ll see how this goes.
UPDATE #41: Rollins cut a promo, called out Sting, and then – out came Stephanie McMahon? Say what?
UPDATE #42: Now, here comes John Cena. What is happening?
UPDATE #43: Cena getting deep with Rollins. Is this heading towards a two match night for Rollins at Night of Champions? I hope so.
UPDATE #44: Yup. At NOC, both of these matches will happen: Rollins vs. Cena for the US Championship, and Rollins vs. Sting for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. That’s going to be a good night for Seth. He’s going to look like a bonafide stud by the time that show is over.
UPDATE #45: Here comes Sting! Cena and him stand side by side, and stare down Seth, as the show goes off the air. It’s FINALLY OVER!! I’M FREE!! FREE, AT LAST!!
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot.