A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To NXT TakeOver

A couple months ago, I was incredibly torn. My buddy Jerry and I could not decide on which show to go to: NXT TakeOver in Brooklyn, or the ROH show that was being held at MCU Park in Coney Island. Eventually, I made the snap judgement to go with NXT, based off the fact that I don’t really know most of the guys in ROH (except for The Young Bucks, thanks Jerry).

Spoiler alert: I made the right decision.

(Courtesy of WWE.com)
(Courtesy of WWE.com)

It all began at about 3PM yesterday. Jerry, me, my brother Kevin, and our buddy Glen all piled into Jerry’s BMW, and we drove into Brooklyn. First thing we did was head to the merchandise booth, where Jerry picked himself up a Finn Balor shirt, Finn Balor armbands, and a plastic Finn Balor mask that was apparently very hard to breathe through. He popped those suckers on, and then we met our friends Carlos and Fredo, who had Fre’s brother Roberto with them (by the way, I am one of the stars of a wrestling podcast called Tiger Driver ’91, along with Carlos, Fredo, and Jerry).

So that makes seven. What do you think 7 wrestling fans did in Brooklyn, while we waited for the show to start? If you guessed that we went to a bar, and started drinking – well – then you’re a judgmental prick. You’re right, but still…not cool.

We chose the 4th Street Pub, because our other friends were there. So we roll in, and our numbers raise to ten+. We’re all drinking, having fun, and minding our own business. Sure, we were loud, but if you’re drinking and having fun, then odds are, you’re being loud. At a point, I forget how or why, but everyone started chanting, because obviously, if you put wrestling fans together, they’re going to start chanting.

This group of jabronis started chanting “Cena sucks,” and because our group knows what’s up, we chanted “let’s go Cena.”

Eventually, the chanting died down, as it always does. Then, at least 20 minutes later, head jabroni of the anti-Cena, pro-jabroni faction across the way, comes over with his phone out, filming us. His reasoning: “I’ve never seen John Cena fans before, I’ve gotta film it.”

My buddy Anthony, who did not want to be filmed on some stranger’s phone, said “I’m not cutting a promo for you.”

He was trying to keep it wrestling related, and be nice about telling the guy to get the fuck out of his face. Of course, the guy starts making an issue of it, and tells Ant to cut a promo for him. Anthony, as controlled as he could be, responded with, “I’m going to kick that phone out of your hand,” which was an odd way to go, I thought, in regards to kicking it out of his hand, but the spirit was finally there. The ultra-nice Anthony wanted this jabroni to get away from him.

He finally got the hint, and then turned to Fredo, and tried to film him. Fre immediately smacked his hand to get it out of his face, because he got right up in there, uncomfortably close. Fortunately, and hilariously, the phone flew out of the jabroni’s hand, and ended up right underneath Glen and I. Like a little bitch, the guy responded with, “aww, don’t do that,” and then he bent down, picked up his phone, and retreated back to the jabroni table with his jabroni buddies, over in jabroni land.

Have I gotten across that I think these guys were jabronis?

So phone jabroni tells his buddy blue shirt jabroni what happened, and blue shirt jabroni comes over and gets in Fre’s face, telling him to apologize.

Like a straight G, Fredo told him no, and that if he had something to apologize for, he would, but phone jabroni was in his face, filming him, and he didn’t like it. Blue shirt jabroni clearly didn’t care too much, because he responded with, “okay,” and then fucked off back to jabroni land.

Fast forward a half hour or so, and as we’re leaving, phone jabroni tries to physically trip Fredo.

Another G moment followed, as Fredo turned to him, said “that’s cute,” and then walked off. That’s my favorite part of the story. That’s only a few steps away from Fre reaching down, and cutting the dude’s balls off. I know guys, one especially, who would start some serious problems if somebody dropped a “that’s cute” on them like that. I hope phone jabroni finds this article and knows that we are all going to laugh at how much of a punk ass bitch he was for a long, long time.

We’ll be 40, and still laughing about how we almost got into a fight over John Cena.

John Cena (Courtesy of WWE.com)
John Cena (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Let’s get to the show. We’re going to skip ahead to TakeOver, by the way. We’ll cover the episode of NXT that they taped at another time. We’re already almost 1,000 words deep on this piece.

Triple H during the intro (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Triple H during the intro (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Before TakeOver went live, Triple H came out, announced that NXT was going to the UK, and then asked the entire crowd to be as quiet as possible for the intro he did. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, thanks to a bunch of obnoxious drunks in the crowd. Those are the people you hear when Trips is trying to talk to the camera. The whole thing still looks really good, and plays well, but it could’ve been something great, if only everyone had shut the hell up.

“Errmahhgerrrd, Triple H is gonna talk to the camera. We have to try and be funny.”

You’re not. So many wrestling fans are not funny. Like the jabronis who sat in the row behind us. This trip was unfortunately plagued with jabronis. These jerkoffs would not shut up throughout the entire show. They were the smarkiest of smarks. You know, the sort of dudes who try and call all the spots, and then act like they’re the shit when they get it right, once and a while. And one of them kept trying to start chants, and then would bitch when people didn’t continue his stupid, lame, BS chants. Too many jabronis.

Moving on – the in-ring work kicked off with Tyler Breeze vs. Jushin “Thunder” Liger. They put on a good enough match, and Breeze got a big rub from working with a legend. Good for him. He deserves it. He didn’t need to win. He wrestled Jushin “Thunder” Liger, which is an experience shared by only a few of the bigger stars in NXT, and their trainer Jason Albert.

Tyler Breeze and Jushin "Thunder" Liger (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Tyler Breeze and Jushin “Thunder” Liger (Courtesy of WWE.com)

After that, The Vaudevillains faced off with Blake and Murphy for the NXT Tag Team Championships. One of the biggest pops of the night came when Aiden English and Simon Gotch introduced Blue Pants as their solution to the Alexa Bliss problem. People love that colorfully clothed woman.

Blue Pants (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Blue Pants (Courtesy of WWE.com)

They put on a great match, too. All around, it was a blast to watch. The finish had the whole crowd on their feet, and cheering. They were beyond excited for The Vaudevillains, who finally won themselves some NXT gold.

Aiden English and Simon Gotch are Champions (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Aiden English and Simon Gotch are your new NXT Tag Team Champions (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Once that finished, Apollo Crews and Tye Dillinger took to the ring, and entertained. This was done purely to showcase Crews, and it was very effective. I cannot wait to see him work more in the company. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll be NXT Champion.

Apollo Crews in the middle of his standing moonsault finisher. Craziness (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Apollo Crews in the middle of his standing moonsault finisher. Craziness (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Only three matches remain. The first of which, is Samoa Joe versus Baron Corbin. I’m not into Baron Corbin at all. He doesn’t connect with me. He cuts a pretty solid heel promo, but that’s about it. As such, I spent most of this match booing him. Until Samoa Joe started to choke him out, of course. At that point, I changed my tune and cheered Joe for choking that jabroni out.

NOTE: I just checked out how many times I’ve written the word jabroni in this article: 20 (21 now). I don’t regret a single one.

You suck, Baron Corbin (Courtesy of WWE.com)
You suck, Baron Corbin (Courtesy of WWE.com)

For the first of two main events, we were treated to a classic match between Sasha Banks and Bayley for the NXT Women’s Championship. The entire crowd was into this. We were all throwing out chants.

Sasha Banks locks in her submission finisher on Bayley (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Sasha Banks locks in her submission finisher on Bayley. It was soon to be reversed. (Courtesy of WWE.com)

“Sasha’s ratchet/no she’s not”

“Let’s go Sasha/Let’s go Bayley”

“This is awesome”

“This is wrestling”

See? (Courtesy of WWE.com)
See? (Courtesy of WWE.com)

And so on, and so forth. As much as I loved Balor vs. Owens, Bayley and Sasha may have put on the best match of the night. The psychology was tight. Sasha took advantage of Bayley’s hand injury. They kept things exciting, and innovative. I can’t say enough about it. They had the crowd in the palm of their hands. I was on my feet the whole time, transfixed by what was going on.

Your new NXT Women's Champion - Bayley (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Your new NXT Women’s Champion – Bayley (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Finally, we’re at Finn Balor vs. Kevin Owens in a Ladder Match for the NXT Championship. This is going to take us back to the jabronis behind me. They were the worst. At one point, the crowd was chanting “this is awesome” for Finn and KO, except for them, who chanted “this is average.”

This looked like the most painful spot of the night (Courtesy of WWE.com)
This looked like the most painful spot of the night (Courtesy of WWE.com)

Idiots. The whole lot of ’em. Nothing about that match was average. It was a hard hitting, and excellently worked affair, which helped end my night with this phenomenal visual.

Finn Balor secures his NXT Championship, ending TakeOver Brooklyn on a great note (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Finn Balor secures his NXT Championship, ending TakeOver: Brooklyn on a great note (Courtesy of WWE.com)
Joseph Finnegan