Ted 2 Was Exactly What I Hoped It Would Be
I was sold on the world of Ted from the beginning. As soon as I read the plot description, I was into it.
I may hate most of the newer Family Guy episodes, but I never blamed Seth MacFarlane for that. I always assumed that he gave up on that show years ago. Once movies became an actual option for him.
Then he made the third Star Wars special, “It’s A Trap,” and completely confirmed my suspicions.
The opening crawl read:
A long time ago,
after M*A*S*H but before
Luke Skywalker has returned to
his home planet of Tatooine in
order to—okay, you know what,
we don’t care. We were thinking
of not even doing this one. Fox
made us do it. When we did
“Blue Harvest”, they said, “Oh,
you guys are crazy.” They tried to
talk us out of it, and it ended up
making a ton of money. By then
we were just finishing “Empire”,
and we were absolutely exhausted.
But Fox suddenly had dollar signs
in their eyes, and they said,
“Seth, if you don’t do ‘Jedi’, we’re
not gonna let you leave to go
direct your movie.”
I’m sorry. I took a muscle relaxer
earlier and it’s kicking in. I’m
just so stressed because there’s
been a car parked in front of my
house for three straight days and
there’s a pillow in the back seat.
And I’ve never seen anyone get in
or out of it, but it moves a couple
feet one way or the other each
day. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was
a bunch of raccoons living in
there, moving it? You know, with
their little paws on the steering
wheel? And then another one
working the brake and the gas?
And the steering wheel racoon
and the pedal racoon have to
talk back and forth to each other
‘cause the brake pedal guy can’t
see the road? I’m gonna keep
thinking that, ‘cause I know really
it’s probably a car bum.
Look, just do me a huge favor and
lower your expectations, okay?
Just this one time. I promise I’ll
make it up to you. I mean, “Star
Wars”, fine. “Empire”—still not
bad. But on this one we ran out
of gas. Seriously, we let the
assistant write it. Hell, even the
Fed Ex guy got a joke in, and he
calls the baby “Steve.” Anyway,
here’s “Return of the Jedi” starring
Steve as Darth Vader.
I hate the idea that Family Guy gets away with being lazy.
But we’re here to talk about Ted 2. My biggest worry for this movie was that it would end up like Hangover Part Two, and completely repeat the movie, beat for beat. That would’ve sucked.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s some of that, but it’s mostly Giovanni Ribisi, who reprises his role from the first film, and he’s hilarious. Other than his portion of the film, it’s a new adventure.
Mark Wahlberg is back, too, and he’s great.
The bulk of the movie is about Ted’s journey to become a real person. He tries to adopt a child with his new wife, and is told by the agent that it’s not possible, because the state doesn’t recognize him as a person. He’s listed as property.
So he grabs his thunder buddy, and they go after a lawyer to fight for Ted’s civil rights.
Do yourself a favor, and go into this with level expectations. It doesn’t blow the first one out of the water, but it’s still very funny.
Oh, and there’s a musical number that I fell in love with. I don’t know if it was actually Seyfried singing, but it was a beautiful.
Featured Image Credit: © 2015 – Universal Pictures